A Young Soul

Before we start, I want to announce something that is completely relevant to the story. I am in the middle of creating a blog named "The Mommy Blog" This blog is made specifically for mothers. Single mamas, stay at home mamas, mamas who are entrepreneurs, mamas who attend school but most importantly mamas who are domestic abuse survivors. The Mommy Blog is designed to be a safe & secure space for Mamas of all ages, races, & sexualities to interact, communicate, & grow with one another. The "Mama Club" is a group where mothers from all across the world can connect and share their stories, motherhood tips, and more. I will add the information in my bio within the next two weeks for any mamas who are interested. Now with that being said, lets tell this story.

Sometime in 2018 I met my daughters father (we'll call him Darryl). I was 17 and he was 35. At 17 years old, I thought it was true love. I kept our relationship a secret because obviously my parents wouldn't approve because of his age. Eventually, I told my mom after I turned 18 and everything was fine... for a while. Now at that age, I didn't know any better and I thought being in a relationship with an older man was great. Fast forward to another month or so, I moved in with him and he started becoming very abusive. Physically, sexually, and verbally.

He was a Muslim man (or so he says) so he constantly bombarded me with rules and regulations. I would be hit and yelled at for visiting my mother and little sister, who was no more than a 5 minute walk away. I was stopped from going to school, which caused me to graduate from high school a year late. At this point I knew it was bad and that I had no way out. Darryl constantly played a game called 2K, a basketball game. Now Darryl's house was not safe and so there were people I've never seen before coming in and out of the house. I looked up to analyze everyone's faces, which any person would do with strange people in their home. When everyone left and we got back into the room, he scolded me and said "All I see is you looking at n***as faces. Why do you have to look at n***as?". Before I could even get him to understand me, he hit me so hard that I lost hearing in my left ear. I still can not hear out of my left ear. It got to the point where I completely distanced myself from family and stopped calling them. I had bruises everywhere.

Darryl knew that I didn't want to stay with him so he made me follow everywhere. To the bathroom, to the store, down the street... just so I couldn't leave while he was gone. One morning he went to the store and left me. I grabbed the bags I packed beforehand and I left. Of course I got the "I'm sorry, Baby" and "I won't do it again" messages... I went back. That was the worst mistake I've ever made. The abuse got worse and I lived in constant fear that I would end up dead. Why? One day, Darryl casually told me "If you were to die, I would put your body somewhere and not tell anyone because I can't go back to jail again"... I knew I messed up. I was asking myself how I could be so stupid to go back. The sexual abuse was still very much there and it was routine.

I believe this was God. Darryl got arrested for violation of probation and I took that opportunity to leave for good. After moving back in with my mom and little sister, I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant! My daughters name is Addison Layla and she is literally my blessing. If not for her, being blind and the feeling that the abuse was okay would've made me go back. I told myself that I had to protect her at all costs and not going back is doing just that ❤ My story is 100 percent real and I want to reach out to other mothers to let them know that they are not alone. Stockholm Syndrome and PTSD is very real and it's okay. I was so young when I experienced this and I still am but all you need is God, good people, and the courage! This story is not just for survivors or victims. Maybe you suspect that someone is in an abusive relationship, this story can help you notice the signs - Distant from family, bruises, etc. Maybe you are the abuser, this story can help you to understand how much you are hurting the one who loves you most.

Now there is so much more I didn't include in this story, as I am not yet comfortable enough or ready to tell my whole story. What I will consider doing is writing a book about my whole journey when I am completely at peace with the situation and if you guys are interested. One thing I will say about this book is that it will be completely raw, meaning I will go into descriptive detail and go over the whole story start to finish, when we first met to when we separated. Thank you all for reading and I hope my story can help ❤