"A True Sociopath"

I know that everyday life for the average person is hard. It's downright difficult to make money, provide for a family, and balance a schedule. In addition, constantly filtering your emotions through the accepted purifier of social norms is an unending task. For the run of the mill Tom, Dick, and Harry life is a constant struggle.

I am not an average person. I am a sociopath. Don't get confused, I am not eager for violence or aggressive. That falls more in line with a psychopathic personality. No, what I am is devoid of emotions. I feel no joy, or depression. No lust or revulsion. I simply am. At this point you may still be confused while trying to reconcile something you saw on TV about how sociopathic tendencies draws one to violence without conscience. Simply reasoning it out will help you understand better. If a person is empty of emotion, how could they be angry? How could they be impatient? How could they long for the thrill of a kill? The answer is they couldn't, not really. Now you know that most so-called sociopaths are cheap imitations. I am a rare true sociopath. This provides me with no personal satisfaction or embarrassment. It just is. You need to know this because maybe now you'll understand what I'm about to tell you. Why I'm about to tell you about my life.

I work as a floor cleaner. I have my own business which allows me to keep my own schedule. It's simple work. I have a scrubber that I'm unloading now and floor wax that I'll apply later. I could do other things and I will but for now I want to see what this is like. It's very repetitive which allows me to learn other things with my headphones while I work. It's also a difficult nightly workout routine which keeps my body in shape. I consider this double use of my time efficient. It also allows me controlled interaction with others.

There are three employees working when I am on the night shift at this particular Walgreens. Aaron is a middle aged man who's always depressed for some reason or another. Karen, a pretty girl who's 23 and worked at the store a couple years, and Spencer the manager who's 29.

Spencer is what Karen calls "a dick." I assumed it was because of his degrading and selfish nature and I said so to Karen. She became offended by the accurate statement for some reason. I am unsure why she was offended though because I also know she does feel that way. I have overheard her many times saying it to Aaron in the back rooms while I filled my scrubber machine with soap and water. She would regularly enumerate Spencer's failings. So, I am still unsure why me saying he was a selfish person was rejected. I'll figure it out at some point.

"Well well well, look who decides to show up for work. It's about time." Spencer said loud enough so Karen and Aaron would hear.

"It's 10:00 PM on the dot. This is literally the exact time I should be here." I replied.

"If you say so, "Mitch."

For some reason Spencer always added extra emphasis to my name when he said it. I still don't understand why. I'll figure it out eventually. Karen was always the first to come from the back of the store. She seemed eager for human interaction for some reason.

"Hey Mitch. How ya doin?"

"I am good."

"You're not going to ask me how I am? You're such a jerk."

That's an unusual reply for Karen. I don't understand why she's suddenly aggressive as literally all of our interactions before have been neutral or neutral positive.

"It's because he doesn't care about you, Karen. He's too dumb to care about anybody."

"Yeah. You're a self centered douche, Mich."

I found the entire exchange odd. I understood what Spencer was implying with his "dumb" remark. He associates my silence with a lack of understanding. But him and Karen have never been compatriots before. Far from it. What's more Karen seemed to emphasize my words about Spencer from another night. I don't understand. I'll need to think about it.

I head to the back to prepare my equipment for work. I can still hear Karen and Spencer talking as I go. It's always so strange to me how people forget that shelves are not sound proof walls.

"What's Aaron doing? He's supposed to be cleaning the women's bathroom. That old man better not be lazing about again."

"Oh. I didn’t know you told him to do that.”

“Why? What happened Karen?”

“I walked into the bathroom and he startled me. So, I called him a pervert and told him to get out.” Karen laughed. Spencer joined her in laughing as well. They both seemed to enjoy making Aaron’s life quite difficult. Another thing I didn't understand as Aaron was always polite.

"He's such a creep." Karen continued.

"Yeah he is. You won’t catch me working at Walgreens when I'm fifty five years old. I'd rather die.”

“You said it. At least it's a step above cleaning floors.”

They both laughed again after that. This idea of station or pack order always intrigues me. For some reason people associate labor with income. The more lowly the labor in social eyes the less one makes. Yet, I know Spencer makes $14.00 dollars an hour. Karen makes $11.50. In an 8 hour shift the most they could pull in together would be $204 dollars. I work an hour and a half for $60.00 dollars. I then travel to my next store. I do this for 8 hours and make $480.00 a night. Yet, I am considered a "loser" by Spencer's assessment. I don't understand. I'll need to think about it more.

The scrubber requires a 10 to 1 water to soap ratio. I perform the simple math and wait for it to fill. As I do Spencer pops up behind me. We are alone in the janitors area.

"What's up Mich. Man, I got to tell you about Karen. She is a dirty freak!" he said with an implied yet whispered yell.

I'm not sure why but when we are alone all of our interactions are different. He almost speaks as if we are suddenly friends for a preset block of time. I ignore his graphic retelling of him and Karen's time together the night before. I don't understand why he is telling me this but I do now understand Karen's sudden change. Once again she believes she's found safety in a man's attention. I doubt that, since privacy is a necessary part of safety. But it explains her sudden attacking nature. She's adopting his false sense of confidence trying to pass it off as her own. I suspect she's only fooling herself for now.

Spencer finally walked away having recounted enough proof of his virility. The temporary truce and friendship was now over. I was as close to glad as I could be because I now didn't have to contort my face to pretend I was impressed. I was thankful I had to use the bathroom since it would hide me from any extra details he'd remember from around the corner.

As I stepped through the door I made eye contact with Aaron. At least I thought I had. Aaron was dangling from three intertwined electrical cords that he attached to a PVC pipe through a removed tile of the drop down ceiling. The chords were formed into a noose that he used to hang himself. Based on the discoloration in his face it wasn’t long ago. Probably while Spencer was exaggerating his nighttime escapades. On the sink was a small yet thick black book with a note on top. It explained that Aaron had been stealing from Walgreens for years. He had built up quite a sum. Sixty thousand dollars give or take. He must have used the sink to gain the height necessary to remove the tile. He planned it fairly well. There was enough distance between him and everything else that it would have been impossible for him to change his mind. He would have had to tie the cords at the center of the room first. Then climb atop the sink while holding the chord to get the distance he wanted once he fell. It was almost a good plan. He should have chosen the steel pipe instead of the PVC. It wouldn't break with sustained pressure which I suspect it will in another twenty or so seconds. Aaron will survive his suicide attempt albeit with a pounding headache. I walk over to the sink and pick up the black book with the note entailed. The money was all there. He hadn’t spent a dime of it. I wonder why? I'll have to think about it.

After that, I exited the bathroom. As the door was nearly closed I heard a snap and thud. I walked back out to my scrubber and disconnected everything once again heading to the door at the front of the store.

“Where are you going, douche?” Karen asked once I was almost to the door.

“The machine is broken. I'll have to reschedule your floor cleaning to Friday.”

“That’s no good, “Mich.” You have a job to do and you better do it tonight like you're supposed to.”

I really do need to understand this.

“Karen, do you feel empowered by sleeping with your boss or is it that you feel stronger with a boyfriend who works with you?”

Karen’s mouth fell open. She stopped talking while I patiently waited for her response. She seemed stuck in a thought she couldn’t find. After another moment Spencer yelled from the back of the store. His yell was more intense than I've ever heard him be. My guess is he found Aaron on the floor of the bathroom. Karen quickly ran back. I heard her begin to yell as well. Spencer was calling the ambulance while talking at the top of his lungs when the folding doors closed behind me. I loaded my scrubber and began my drive to my next store. There are only two employees working at that Walgreens. Aaron will recover but he won't know what happened to his note or his little black book of stolen money. My guess is he’ll think of it as a blessing in disguise. He may even quit Walgreens altogether. I think that would be for the best. I don’t believe he enjoys his coworkers. As for me I am now 60,000 dollars richer.

I know that everyday life for the average person is hard. It's downright difficult to make money, provide for a family, and balance a schedule. I am not an average person. The reason I am telling you this is because I want to understand. I thought if I wrote it down and entered it into a writing contest on Vocal, maybe then someone could explain it to me. Do you understand?