A Night Out

‘Are we still on for tonight?’

The message popped up on my screen, and my stomach dropped. Plans which I had confirmed weeks ago, and now the day was here, I felt sick. Should I say no because I don’t want to go, but if I say no she’s going to be mad at me but she will be even madder at me if I go and I’m obviously not enjoying myself but I might enjoy myself if I go and have a good time but what if I don’t have a good time?

Right, you’ve got 6 hours until you’re meant to meet her, calm down, take a breather. You know where you’re going, you know how to get there and you know that she is a good friend. You don’t need to drink if you don’t want to, and you know you can just say you’re not feeling up to it and go home. Just breathe.

I need a shower and I need to wash my hair, oh god I hate that deodorant I’ve got at the moment it feels so sticky and gross but I know I need to wear it because I’m already sweating just thinking about leaving the house. What if I sweat off the deodorant and I smell, or what if I need to go to the toilet and it’s out of order. And I’m going to need to speak to the waiter as well. That’s it, I’m not going.

Stop. Calm down. You’ve got time. Look up the menu, choose what you want and rehearse it in your head. “Hi, I’ll have a tap water and a portion of chips.” You won’t sweat off your deodorant, that’s near impossible. Just put plenty on early and give it time to dry out. Oh, and just before you leave, spray some perfume.

That sounds way too formal, the waiter is going to think I’m rude and then I’ll feel bad and it just won’t be a comfortable evening for the rest of the night, god I’m so useless, can’t believe I can’t even order some chips and tap water by myself.

What about, “Hi, how are you? I’d like some water and just one portion of chips please.”

No, that sounds so dumb, I cannot believe I came up with that, I need to make sure to ask for tap water as well because that bottled stuff costs so much, I don’t even know if I can afford to go out tonight to be honest, I mean taxi there, food, drinks, taxi back, I should probably just save the money and not go, yeah, I think that’s probably the best thing to do.

Right, one thing at a time. Firstly, you just need to ask for chips and tap water, you can rehearse in your head on the way to the restaurant. Secondly, we budgeted for this, calm down. You’re just adding unnecessary worries, and you can definitely afford it, just give yourself a budget of £50, and pre pay for the taxi. Now go and shower and wash your hair, we need to choose an outfit.

I’ve wasted so much time already and here I am still sat on my bed. I don’t know if I have time to wash my hair now but if I don’t wash it now then it will be disgusting by tonight and I’ll need to do it in the morning. Which shampoo should I use? Should I wear my hair up or down or half up? Make up, do I bother or am I going to sweat it off? Should I take a jacket? Oh my god, am I actually going to go? I am, aren't I?