A Healthy Way to Feel Better

This was written on October 2, 2019, where I briefly explain how emotional a day can be for someone battling with depression and anxiety, at the moment it was happening.

02/10/2019

Lately, I have been writing about and focusing on being positive. It has been great. Whenever I wrote about being positive, it was because I genuinely felt positive. But, as I have mentioned in my previous writings about having an unhealthy state of mind, the bad days are still there.

Today is one of them.

I figured that writing about it now will help me improve my mood, as well as describe, in a more precise manner, how it feels.

In one whole day, I felt so many different emotions. I was:

• Tired
• Happy
• Excited
• Inspired
• Extremely anxious
• Friendly
• Anxious again
• Afraid of life
• Uninspired
• Overwhelmed
• Panicked
• Sad
• Empty
• Disconnected
• Confused
• Hopeful

And right now, I can physically feel it in my heart that I feel sad. I don't specifically know why I feel sad. It feels like it's because of one thing that I can't figure out, and at the same time, it feels like it's about everything in my life.

I feel like I'm just not connecting with anyone or anything right now, including my myself.

Usually, I would feel this way after days or weeks of being happy and motivated. I guess that cycle is happening again. Each time that this happens, I worry that nothing has changed, and that maybe I haven't improved after all.

The good news is that, as I continue to write, I realize that I'm not as bad as I was.

I no longer feel like hurting myself as I did when I was younger, nor do I feel like drinking until I no longer feel the sadness.

I guess this moment, right now, me writing about my feelings and using this platform as an outlet, is real. Don't get me wrong, I still feel sad and worried. At the same time, writing relieves me little by little, in a much healthier way than my previous distractions.

It's still hard to open up about this. I want to tell my family that I still feel this way sometimes, like right now, but at the same time, I don't want them to worry about me. I know they would prefer it if I told them, but I only feel comfortable talking to them about this when I can no longer take it, or whenever I am "past" it again.

They do ask me if I'm okay from time to time. In terms of effort, I don't think that they are lacking in helping me, because whenever I do feel sad, they are quick to action. The level of help that they give me is the level of sadness that they see in me, or what I show them.

If you are someone with "better" mental health:

• Ask someone if they are okay, and mean it.
• Smile at the people important to you, and show them your love in little things that you could do.

These little things are big.

If you are fighting inner conflicts, YOU WILL BE OKAY. Just like me—I will be okay, too.

People who are not going through what we are going through don't understand. Some of them are trying to, and by explaining and being more open about it, they will have a better grasp of you, and maybe an idea of what they should or can do to help. It will always help you unburden that feeling of loneliness inside.

Always remember that, before anyone can help you, you must help you.

And to end this, I did not expect this to happen but, I feel better. I guess letting it out in a healthy way does help!