3 Signs Of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome.

Although narcissistic abuse syndrome is not officially recognised, people who have experienced it and many mental health researchers continue to study narcissistic abuse and its distinguishable effects. Some refer to narcissistic abuse syndrome as complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).

"C-PTSD (Complex PTSD) has been proposed by Dr. Judith Herman of Harvard University to account for the impact of extended periods of trauma and abuse" - Sam Vaknin.

The frustrating thing about narcissistic abuse is that it is very covert. Survivors often rally together because it's an exclusive club where only its members can fully grasp the effects of narcissism.

Children of highly narcissistic parents, or even more challenging, a full-blown diagnosed narcissist, suffer considerable damage throughout their childhood, often needing lifelong support.

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The following three questions cover cognitive dissonance, trauma bonds, dissociation, and other effects of narcissistic abuse.

1. Do you feel like a completely different person and struggle to remember what it feels like to be yourself?

For victims of narcissistic parents, this symptom will feel more like a lack of self-identity, low self-esteem, and a tendency to allow others, particularly partners, to dominate them.

Victims of narcissistic abuse in relationships often feel like they can't remember who they are or were. Beyond all the stress and trauma of narcissistic abuse is a person who has been so busy catering to a self-entitled time waster that they lost themselves in the process.

Recognising this loss of self and identity comes around the same time that you no longer recognise the narcissist. The person you knew has changed almost completely. Narcissists are profoundly insecure, and they hide it behind a 'false self' that slowly disintegrates as you get to know them.

The false self is the charming, generous, thoughtful, honest, loving, and confident person you first met, the person they want to be and not who they are. Cognitive dissonance, or having opposing thoughts, escalates as your mind is forced to accept that the lying, selfish, control freak you have before you is the same sincere and selfless soul you got to know in the beginning.

Both the victim and abuser in narcissistic abuse become addicted to the cycle. It is not something either gives up on quickly. Narcissists are prone to ghosting, but in the end, they can not miss an opportunity to hoover even when their victims have long forgotten them.

This addiction has a physiological basis; the body and brain become familiar with the cycle, and both need the opportunity to relax and appreciate the joy in peace and balance. Taking up hobbies and activities that brought joy before the relationship can rekindle that fire and help you reestablish your relationship with yourself.

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2. Do you feel discomfort or anxiety having to socialise?

Discomfort socialising includes feeling anxious about going to work, getting shopping, going to school functions, and even spending time with friends and family. Survivor self-control and self-esteem are low after narcissistic abuse.

Shame, guilt, and self-blame take control over a survivors normal problem-solving and decision-making patterns, making even the simplest tasks difficult. You're in a state of perpetual confusion and struggle to relate to anything or anybody.

Narcissistic insecurity causes them to devalue everyone around them; anyone not devalued is idealised in preparation for devaluation.

"Whoever is trying to pull you down is already below you." - Ziad K. Abdelnour.

Trauma bonds survivors to their abusers, distorting their trust in themselves and others. Abusers tell their victims that their own friends and family support the narcissist. Because narcissists hide their true selves and the false self is still present in front of others, it can appear that everybody is on the narcissist's side from the victim's perspective.

Most people say that when you're having trust issues, you should get out there and meet new people; I beg to differ. When you've suffered trauma, your thoughts and perceptions are distorted so that you could easily damage new potentially healthy friendships and relationships. You will find yourself in a similar relationship pattern if you do not learn from your mistakes.

I recommend reaching out to people you know and trust already, strengthening those relationships, and allowing those who truly know and love you to help you find yourself again.

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3. Do you suffer flashbacks, reliving the emotions of adverse events?

Situations similar to prior traumatic events or even those that aren't related but are perceived that way can trigger flashbacks where the same emotions and physiological responses are almost as if they're reliving the trauma.

I would relive some of the most traumatic experiences over and over again for two years during the family court process. It was incredibly debilitating, though understanding it and learning ways to process it soon helped.

Considering the time it took to recover, I wonder if it was time alone that healed those wounds. However, some say such effects can cycle throughout life, and I can't even remember the last time I had a flashback, so I'll credit the research and self-care too.

Flashbacks might include physical symptoms such as stomach cramps, lack of bladder control, heart palpitations, and difficulty breathing. Mental and emotional symptoms of flashbacks include fear, panic, shame, anxiety, and confusion.

Some emotional flashbacks can be so bad that victims develop chronic mood or personality disorders, speech impediments, and digestive, cardiovascular, or immune disorders.

Suppose flashbacks are worrying you or causing considerable disruption to your routine. In that case, it may be necessary to seek professional support and see a doctor who can check your physical health and help you decide whether or not a referral to therapy or other service is necessary.

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Narcissistic abuse is insidious, and as it is often intergenerational, its effects are far-reaching, placing a heavy toll on our mental health, education, and justice systems.

If you or anyone you know is dealing with narcissistic abuse, please phone your local mental health or family violence services and discuss your concerns.

Violence and mental health services are trained and experienced in such situations and are entirely confidential. They can answer any questions you have or refer you to someone who can help.

Thank you for reading. ❤

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