Best and Worst Alcoholic Drinks for Your Skin

I'm always getting breakouts. And what's worse is that I just learned that some drinks are terrible for your epidermis. Good thing I have cardio, and good thing I know the best and worst alcoholic drinks for your skin. I know what drinks to avoid!

Best: Clear Distilled Spirits

Clear alcohol has the fewest ingredients and moves through your body with utmost speed, making it one of the best alcoholic drinks for your skin. That means vodka, gin, and tequila, but not Purell! Drinking Purell is one of the worst life hacks that you should never try.

Worst: Whiskey and Rum

Straight rum and whiskey are clear and, therefore, have no additives. Unfortunately, they have congeners, which either occur naturally or are added during the aging process. Congeners can make your hangover worse and contribute to early signs of aging. But remember, the clearer the drink, the less bad the alcoholic drinks for your skin.

Euch, I love whiskey! I know that one of the types of profile pictures you'll see on every dating app is a woman drinking whiskey and I am definitely one of those women! There's also a picture of me with a dog in my purse captioned, "I do not have a dog but I will steal yours," which is also another pic you'll see on every dating app.

Worst: White Wine

White wine is one of the bad alcoholic drinks for your skin because it has both salt and sugar, which can lead to swollen, bloated skin. WHITE WINE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I TRUSTED YOU SO MUCH! I BROUGHT YOU INTO BED WITH ME! I SNUCK YOU INTO MOVIES THANKS TO THE FUNNIEST HIDDEN FLASKS TO HELP YOU HIDE YOUR BOOZE! You're lucky you're not the worst for my skin or then we'd really be in trouble!

Worst: Cocktails

I have awful news. Simply terrible: cocktails are among the worst alcoholic drinks for your skin. They're high in sugar, and sugar causes cell damage and even acne. A cocktail can have so much sugar that you get a "sugar hangover," which means you end up with jaundiced skin and bloodshot eyes. And the worst cocktails? Margaritas and mojitos. I feel like Darth Vader in Revenge of the Sith right after he found out Padmé had died in childbirth combined with all the disappointed audience members who'd just seen Revenge of the Sith. Noooooooooooo!

Worst: Red Wine

Oh no. Oh no. OH NO! Red wine is the worst of the worst alcoholic drinks for your skin. Sure, it's got antioxidants, but since it's unfiltered, your kidneys and liver do a lot of heavy lifting. That means red wine can cause flushing, redness, and even blotchy skin. Euch, this is just one more reason why you should drink cannabis tea. But you can't do that in most states because of our racist war on drugs. Are you even asking, "Is the war on drugs racist?!" OMG READ A BOOK!

Okay, I can't handle this. I'm in the bargaining stage of denial. What if I drink only one glass of red wine a day? That should be okay. Antioxidants are good for you; they fight off sunburns, wrinkles, and melanoma. DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME; I NEED YOU TO HOLD ON TO! God, this hurts so much I'm turning into a Nine Inch Nails deep cut.

It's debatable, okay? IT'S DEBATABLE; YOU'LL PRY THIS RED WINE FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!

Best: Beer

I'm going to need a drink after finding out I can't have a drink. Guess I'll reach for a beer. At least beer isn't red wine or a cocktail, which are the worst alcoholic drinks for your skin. Although, beer does have sugar and salt, and even additives. Those are all bad for your skin.Right? I don't even know anymore. Better just forget about beer altogether! Wah!

Worst: Irish Coffee

The acid in coffee might be activating your stress hormones and upping your skin's oil production. Also, coffee makes you pee-pee a lot and too much pee-pee can dry out your skin. Combine that with the sugary, sweetness of Irish Cream and you end up with one of the worst alcoholic drinks for your skin.

Wait a minute. But an Irish coffee is just coffee with booze in it. That means Irish coffee minus booze is just coffee. COFFEE IS BAD FOR YOUR SKIN! I'm just bawling now. GET THAT GREEN TEA AWAY FROM ME; I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD IT IS!

Worst: Rum and Coke

Whoa whoa whoa. Yes, of course, regular soda is bad for you, but even diet soda is bad for you?! It turns out that both regular and diet sodas can mess with your cell function to such a degree that it prematurely age your skin. So a dark rum and coke is one of the worst alcoholic drinks for your skin. But, hold on, I've been drinking 2 liters of Diet Cherry Pepsi every day for weeks. That means I've been damaging my skin for weeks! I am freaking out right now trying not to freak out because I know stress also makes me break out. MY GOD, THIS WORLD!

Worst: Vodka and Red Bull

Forget about mixing anything with an energy drink. That would make it one of the worst alcoholic drinks for your skin. Have you not been paying attention?! Of course, all the sugar and caffeine is bad for you. Wrinkles, fine lines, and increased skin aging in general. I'm just going to become a wheatgrass girl.

Best: Jell-O Shots

Let me just remind you that clear distilled spirits are okay. Phew. I'm going to celebrate with a Jell-O shot. Gelatin is actually good for the skin because it's high in dietary collagen, proline, minerals, and protein. So, a Jell-O shot made with vodka might actually be one of the best alcoholic drinks for your skin. A toast to moderation!