Wanting To Be A Girl

I went though a bit of an identity crisis in my mid to late teens, where i thought i wanted to become a girl. It was around the end of high school when i was struggling to come to terms with who i was and what i wanted to do with my life. Up until that point, after moving from the UK to Australia. I'd struggled to find myself and fit in with my new environment and began to question my very being and existence and was looking for ways to find a true purpose in my life.

I thought after much deliberation that maybe my life would be better off as a girl (i'm a guy for context). I struggled from a young age to adhere to the social pressures of what it meant to be a man. I wasn't masculine, strong or tough. During my childhood, i would easily get upset and cry a lot and the concept of having a stiff upper lip and not showing my emotions, was a foreign concept to me.

During my teen years, i went though a bit of a self reflective period where i questioned whether my life might be better off as a girl, as i wouldn't feel the societal pressure and stigma's of being a man. I liked the idea of wearing women's clothing and dressing up like a girl, as i felt more freeing and liberating. As a women, their is way more variety and versatility in fashion and style, with guys, it's pretty simple and clean cut and theirs not a lot of variety out there.

I would also question my sexual identity at the time, but the more i thought about it the more i realised i wanted to have a family one day and if i had decided to become a women, i couldn't have imagine myself being with a man. I eventually came to terms with questioning my identity and decided i was perfectly happy being a guy and it made more sense to me to just stay in my current gender and express my more feminine side in various different ways. I.e expressing it in my choice of fashion, clothing etc. without feeling the need to fully transition, because i could imagine the process itself, to be very full on and stressful and also costing an insane amount of money, so i would only want to go thought with it if i was 100% convinced i personally felt i needed to change genders.

This experience, among other things has really opened up my eyes to the concept of sexuality and gender, as well as the LGBTQI+ community. While i don't personally identify as part of that community, i feel that this opportunity has given me a chance to get to known many people from this particular community and it gives me a lot of respect and admiration for people that identify themselves as a part of this community. I'm so glad we live in a world that is so much more accepting and accountable for people who don't consider themselves to be either male or female and the concept of toxic masculinity is slowly starting to become de-stigmatised.

Regardless, the whole experience has given me a lot of respect and admiration for anyone who is going through this process, whether that be transitioning from male to female, or female to male. It has also helped me to realise, as a guy, i don't need to give into societal pressures of what a man or a women should be, but simply be myself, regardless of whether people like it or not. After all, it's about me and not them, so what i do with my life and how i chose to live it should be no concern to them.