Let's talk about Gender Appropriation

Recently, someone on the glorious world of the Internet accused me, a transgender man, of appropriating gender. Though I knew the meaning of the word appropriation, I was confused as to how it related to gender, so I found myself pages deep into the controversial topic of gender appropriation. At the basis, this person was telling me I'm pretending to be a man, while not actually being one. This is as transphobic as it is incorrect, and I'll explain why.

Gender appropriation. The idea that a feminine-presenting man, or a masculine-presenting woman, is stealing a gender that doesn't belong to them. Appropriation is the act of taking possession of something without consent of the other party: such as cultural appropriation, which I'm sure we've all heard of it. But the idea that a person could appropriate gender is ludicrous and ridiculous, and I'm angry that it's a real argument online.

First off, saying that someone is stealing a gender based on the way they dress is implying that gender presentation = gender identity, and that's just simply not true. I can choose to dress in a feminine way, and this doesn't mean I relate at all to the idea of womanhood. Secondly, assuming a person's gender by the way they look adds to the stereotype that a man must be masculine, and a woman must be feminine. It also implies a.) that there's only two genders, and b.) that intersex people do not exist. I've heard the argument that drag queens are appropriating gender by dressing as women. Once again, this reinforces the idea that clothing has gender. I've met many drag queens, and not of them has claimed to be a woman outside of their drag performance. The confusion comes from the belief that presenting as feminine is equal to identifying as a woman.

There are many articles about how being transgender is appropriation; it's the new way of shaming trans folks for being trans. The thing is that nobody can tell me my gender identity except for me. Pre-transition, I was questioned for dressing like a man. Post-transition, I'm questioned for dressing like a woman. And okay, maybe there's a very small percentage of people who pretend to be a gender they're not for attention, or for experimentation - but this still doesn't constitute to the existence of gender appropriation as a whole.

It's also commonly understood that gender is determined by parts - (you clearly don't understood biology, I've been told). Until we dismantle the idea that sex = gender, it will continue to spread. I've had far too many arguments with people online about chromosomes and gender, and the thing is, you can't change the mind of a person who refuses to have it changed.

So the question stands: how can we shut down the idea that transgender people are appropriating gender?

The fact of the matter is: nobody can choose your gender except for you. Accusing someone of appropriating gender makes two assumptions:

1. that they dress in a way that matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

2. that they have a gender at all -

because the truth is, you don't know. And unless you are told specifically by the individual whose gender it is, you won't know. I could be a masculine-presenting woman, or a feminine-presenting man. I could have a gender that's ever-changing, or I could have no gender at all.

I think, for some people, there's a genuine confusion about the differences between presentation and identity. Because of the violent push of gender roles in society, it's easy to get these misunderstood. I've been asked many times to explain the differences between these two ideas - but I'm only one person, and I don't owe you an education. This belief that something as fluid as gender can be stolen won't go away until friends and allies of the transgender community stands up for our authenticity. I am not stealing or appropriating anything. I'm not acting as or pretending to be a man; I simply am a man, in the same way that my transgender women counterparts are not pretending to be women.