How to Be a Pride Ally Without Being an Asshole

Picture this: You're at a vibrant, colorful Pride parade. Rainbow flags are flapping in the warm summer breeze, and the air is thick with the collective feeling of love, acceptance, and most importantly, pride. As a millennial gay man, I've found this to be a moment of reclamation, a space where my identity can breathe without hesitation or fear.

But wait, hold that thought. This story isn't about me – it's about you. You, the person who wants to stand shoulder to shoulder with their LGBTQ+ friends as a genuine ally, not just someone who dons a rainbow flag once a year for the 'gram.

The word 'ally' is a powerful one. But, here's the thing: it's not a label you can just slap on yourself and call it a day. Being an ally means action, continuous learning, empathy, and above all, respect.

When I was younger, growing up in a traditional Asian family, I didn't always have that kind of support. I grappled with who I was, the cultural expectations I carried on my shoulders, and my burgeoning understanding of my sexual identity. Today, I realize how impactful a well-informed, understanding ally could have been during that time.

So, here I am, sharing my perspective to help you become a better ally. Now, strap in, and remember – this is a journey, not a race.

1. Listen, learn, and unlearn

I can't stress this enough. The first step towards becoming a respectful ally is understanding that you have a lot to learn – and unlearn. Preconceived notions, stereotypes, biases – they all need to go. If your knowledge about the LGBTQ+ community comes mainly from the media or offensive jokes, it's time for a reality check.

So, how do you do this? First, listen. As an ally, it's not your place to take center stage or drown out our voices. It's your time to absorb the experiences, struggles, victories, and realities of LGBTQ+ individuals.

2. Understand the spectrum

Sexuality isn't binary – it's a spectrum. There's more to the LGBTQ+ community than the 'G' that defines me. The acronym includes a broad range of identities, each with their unique experiences and struggles. Understanding this helps you appreciate the beautiful diversity that's encapsulated within those four letters.

3. Know when to speak up (and when not to)

Being an ally isn't about white-knighting or saving the 'helpless' LGBTQ+ individuals. We don't need saving; we need respect. If someone cracks a homophobic joke, call them out on it. But remember, it's not your job to narrate our experiences. When an LGBTQ+ individual is speaking, it's your turn to listen.

4. Check your privilege

As a person of color, I've experienced my share of stereotyping. However, as a gay man, these stereotypes took on a different, often painful, hue. Recognizing your privilege isn't about guilt; it's about acknowledging the systemic imbalance that exists. Use your privilege as a platform for change, not as a weapon of dominance.

5. Embrace the journey

Being an ally is a continuous journey. Mistakes will happen. What's important is that you own up, learn, and strive to do better next time. Allyship is not a badge of honor but a commitment to constant growth.

I've always held that allyship is about more than rainbow merchandise – it's about recognizing the worth of every person, irrespective of who they love or how they identify. It's about standing up against injustice, not for applause, but because it's the right thing to do.

Remember that Pride parade I mentioned at the start? Imagine that again. This time, you're not just a spectator. You're an informed, respectful ally. You're part of the change, part of the love, part of the acceptance. That, my friend, is a beautiful place to be.

As we navigate through this vast, diverse world, let's promise to be kind, to be understanding, and most importantly, not to be assholes. The rainbow looks beautiful from any perspective; you don't need to trample on someone else's color to appreciate yours.

As we close this chapter and gear up for the next, remember this: Our conversations are just beginning. The world of understanding, empathy, and acceptance is vast, and we're in it together.

I'll see you at our next stop. Until then, keep being an ally. Keep being a force for change. Keep being beautifully you. And remember: be kind, always.