Homo-Holiday

I’m an authentic homosexual which/witch means at now 51 years old (never having sex with a biological female) and monogamous for 7 years in a 25+ year relationship after “coming out” at 16-17 years old and striking out on my on in the world I’ve had quite a journey. One thing that is very unique to the “gay”/alternative lifestyle community is how many are completely disowned by their families as they go through their own personal “coming out” process. I was also an infant advertised for adoption in the Newark Star Ledger who was adopted and socialized from infancy until I left home with two parents who then divorced and I went through my childhood socialization/“grew up” in a Judeo-Christian cult that did not allow the celebration of holidays. As my now deceased, former adoptive, father got a free turkey from work every year and they were both off work and I was off school Thanksgiving was the closest to celebrating any holiday I was allowed. I wasn’t even able to celebrate my own birthday.

I always projected certain wishful expectations on what I thought having siblings was having never had them. Only until later did I see ALL the sibling rivalry and other issues associated with it and family in general as I always stayed somewhat separate from my extended former adoptive family due to socio-economic reasons, the cult I was a member of from 2 years old, and regional proximity. The “gay” community has the highest number of runaways statistically and as we know the holidays have the highest number of depression cases and subsequently suicides in general. I was fortunate to have things like “Gay Youth Group” very early on and this is an account of one holiday experience when I first was “coming out”…

Every year the holidays are the most difficult transitional time within our community for the new members constantly being unexpectedly ostracized and disowned by social support systems they’d otherwise had for their entire lifetime. One of the gay youth groups I belonged to organized annual holiday dinners so the many disowned youths, elderly, and disabled gays had somewhere to go. One year a “newly accepting parent” (or so we thought/were told) had volunteered to provide ALL the food. We were excited to see what it would be and we were waiting at the event involved in other activities like watching the group movie, playing board games, and dancing to our favorite music. As the celebration went on we realized outside of individual snacks we each had also brought the other food and attendees who were constantly coming and going didn’t include the newer gay member or that parent! It was Thanksgiving and when we called to check on them we were suddenly berated by the same parent spewing anti-gay hate speech and told that newer member has been sent overseas for “conversion therapy” and if needed even a lobotomy. In tears we ALL now had to deal with that both traumatic information and no Thanksgiving meal.

I always have been interested in the culinary arts and even as an adolescent I had my own subscription to cooking magazines which/witch was one of the few external/“worldly” publications outside the cult’s brainwashing publications I was allowed. Being in Arizona I helped rush around to create a last minute meal. Unlike a full turkey dinner that would have taken hours to prepare we bought tortillas and ground turkey, premade gravy, grated Mexican cheese, canned cranberry, large aluminum pans, from a small barrio market we could find open and more snack foods and turkey lunch meat, cheese, and bread at a gas station from the VERY limited petty cash fund and other monies we had from our first little jobs. Those “Thanksgiving Turkey Enchiladas” and “Grilled Thanksgiving Turkey & Cheese Sandwiches” made in that old recreational hall’s kitchen are still one of the best holiday meals I’ve EVER had even after going off to Chicago and becoming a private chef for a time and also working at or otherwise trying the menus at the top hotels and restaurants. I still make that casserole to this day.