A Woman's Journey to Self Discovery

Welcome back to my journey of figuring out who I am, my journey is still going on so this is just what I know so far; I thought I was straight but I since realized that I am not and now I want to figure out what that means as far as my life goes. When I realized that I might be bisexual I thought I was going to feel this huge revelation but I just felt the same, I could say that it was a big adjustment for me but it wasn’t, this was just one more thing about me. I wish I could be like those people who have a great clarifying moment where they are sitting in their room and it just hits them and have this breakdown because they are so scared to say it out loud. I had a dream one night, and then a few weeks later had another dream and after that, I was like huh, I guess I like both men and women and that was the end of that, I didn’t cry or feel scared about it. Sometimes we have a tendency to over-exaggerate a story because we think that people will want to hear it that way but in truth people just want you to be honest with them about your truth.

I’m realizing more and more that my bisexuality was just another thing in my life that was a defining characteristic that made me more special because I was capable of feeling a sexual attraction to both sexes and genders. There are those who say “how do you know if you are bi if you have never been with a woman” and to those people, I say what most respond with, “how do you know you are straight if you have never been with the same gender”. Me knowing that I like both genders has nothing to do with whether I have slept with both because, to be honest, I am a virgin, I can feel a way without having to have the experience for myself. You don’t have to get attacked by a lion to know that they are dangerous and could kill you, just like you don’t have to sleep a woman to know that you are attracted to them and the same goes for men. Why can’t some people accept that you can like both; I can remember talking to this guy online and when I told him I liked girls he was so confused, I kept saying things like, “a woman can’t do it like a man can”. That is the whole point of being with a woman if I wanted a man I would be with a man; I don’t think he understood what I was trying to say but it could also be that he was foreign and those guys just expect all women to want to be with men.

I have known who I was for a long time and I have been happy with myself for even longer; feeling good about yourself is rare for most people because we are told in order to feel good we have to live a certain lifestyle and that is just sad. Any expression that is not considered the norm is looked at as an act against society and anyone who decides to act out of the norm is looked at as a traitor to society and everything that it stands for. There is no such thing as normal but people keep trying to push this narrative that normalcy can be achieved somehow, like if you do all things that society had deemed normal or ethically right then you will be seen as normal. There is no room for self-expression in societies plan for normalcy, you have to look, think, and act a certain way for anyone to take you seriously, and if you change one little thing they see it as a threat. The sad truth is you can never achieve this state of normalcy because society is always changing the rules and adding new stipulations for people to follow just that they can keep certain people out.

Being bisexual is not something that I talked about a lot but it is a part of who I am or who I thought I was; you have to be proud of who you are and be confident in your truth otherwise are you really living it fully. I thought I was until I figured out that there was a lot more to me than I thought I had a new path to explore, I learned a lot about this path and I am still learning more every day, and learning is one of my favorite things to do. Granted it might take me a minute to learn something but when I do, I am the best at it or at least I try to be the best at it because if you are going to do something you should always do it right. I want to leave you with this, no matter what anybody says you have you remember to love who you are even if society says what you are doing is out of the realm of normal and they try to force you to change, be you, and love you.

Once again I want to take the time to thank those of you who took the time to read what I had to say, I know that this might be a bit boring to some of you but to the ones that find it interesting I think people who are looking for validation will find your story interesting. It’s ok to go out tell your story to the world we all have a story and we all have people who will love reading that story; so I say this, tell the world who you are and what you stand for, be proud, be loud.