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A Woman's Journey to Self Discovery

Part 1: Heterosexual Me

By Brittney MckinneyPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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Talking about the subject of sexuality is not something I’m very good at because I’m used to hiding who I am; it isn’t that I’m afraid of my family, I just don’t see it as their business who I chose to be with, and for the most part, I thought I was straight. For a long time, I assumed I was heterosexual and I would grow up and do all the things that come with that, like having kids and getting married and I was prepared for that. I had a certain view on bisexuality that as I got older began to contradict themselves; I was like most people who thought that those people were just being greedy and that they were just trying to hide who they really were. Don’t get me wrong there are lots of people who use bisexuality as a shield, it’s like they think that if they say they are bisexual then they can still have somewhat of a normal life. However, they soon realize that hiding who they are is never the answer and they drop the shield and just be themselves; whether that is straight or gay it doesn’t matter just as long as you are happy and can look yourself in the eye and be ok.

Speaking on bisexuality, I want to go back and revisit the topic of how heterosexuals and some gay/lesbian people really feel about bisexuality; the thought that these people just want to have it all or that they are just waiting to come out and using this as holding place. I can admit that I had some crazy views on the subject of bisexuality, such as, thinking that bi men depending on who they went for the most were either straight or gay and the same went for women. My views on bisexuality and the LGBTQ+ community, in general, were just things that I heard from other people and what I saw on movies and tv and as I got older I realized that those views were unfounded and untrue. However, my views now are very much so based on fact and research done through documentaries and articles read; I try to learn as much as I can about these things to stay informed. I have seen just how much no only bisexuals but all non-straight people are affected by the unintelligent minds of those who do not wish to understand them or intentionally want to hurt them.

As I said before, I once thought I was straight and it wasn’t until I became an adult and had oddly enough my first sexual dream about a woman that I realized that I might not be as straight as I thought I was, and that was a thought that really made to think about who I was. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was not like most of the population, I had to prepare myself for the world that would ultimately mistreat me and see me as less than because of who I am. My realization caught me off guard because I was not expecting that to happen to me, I was prepared to live a straight life and to all the straight things even though most of those things are not exclusively straight. Also, you can be straight and not want to have kids or get married, I think I had just built this up in my head to the point I thought that is what you are supposed to do. I now know you can live any type of life that you want and you don’t have to follow traditions that were set forth hundreds of years ago by people who were afraid of change and progression.

I conclude this part of my story by saying that the thought of being straight or heterosexual was something that I had to give up for me to really know who I am and that my journey into bisexuality was just the first stop on my way into the LGBTQ+ community. I had to come to a lot of realizations about myself and I am still realizing things about myself that I didn’t know such as possibly being poly-amorous. There are many more sides that I have yet to discover and I look forward to finding and learning more about them so that I can become a whole new person and grow as an individual. I leave you with these words, finding your path is never easy but once you do you have to stay on it like Dorthy going to see the wizard, there will be people who help you but the journey is ultimately yours to take.

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About the Creator

Brittney Mckinney

I know that I am not the best writer on here or any writing platform but I do have a unique to me point of view and I would like to share it with whoever is willing to read it, I mostly like writing fiction but will share my opinion too.

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