Your Own Path

I have been keeping so many words unsaid,

about you, our relationship and what's in my head,

Most the time it is not worth the battle,

you're already constantly standing on uneven gravel,

You have been consistently so down,

Your feet stay on the ground,

But you are looking all around,

for someone else to give you the answers,

being affected by opinions like a cancer,

You don't seem to even believe in yourself,

that is not something I can even help with,

Because I too think you are flawed in your thoughts,

Adding illogic to being lost,

You say you have a plan,

but everything that stands in front of you is fake,

Thinking in possibilities instead of what's at stake,

I don't even know what to say,

Because I know you are not okay,

But I am in a hard space,

Because my heart is no longer in the same place,

with you as it was a few months ago,

And I think you already know that,

But you are so afraid to lose me,

Even if you are able to see,

We have so many discrepancies,

That are slowly make us bleed,

You talk to me as if you need me,

That I am the only good part of you day,

That I make everything seem okay,

Because you're with me,

Because no matter the problems your ignoring,

I make you feel less lonely,

And let's be honest,

Your words are mostly said,

to keep a hold of my head,

to keep you from feeling a mess,

When if we breakup,

you will plead we are enough,

that there is so much love,

Then leave,

and try quickly,

to attract someone else to sleep with you to receive,

the gratification you need,

no matter how deeply,

you felt for me,

instead of turning in back on yourself,

Instead of finding a balance to find yourself some help,

without blaming your mental health,

on your experiences which you have delt with,

as if you should be compensated for life's lessons,

I understand you are hurting,

And continue to try and keep learning,

But continue to make irrational choices,

While be distracted by all the noises,

Living as if money doesn't run out,

Without making any income to count,

I don't understand the way you think,

you will spend money you don't have on everyone else's ink,

Say you want to buy me all these things,

Tell me about all these dreams of yours,

of being rich in a condominium barn with doors,

But not have an actual plan on what is in store with you,

You don't know what to do,

and that would be okay,

if you weren't sitting around each day,

people pleasing your hours away,

Instead of figuring out how to be your best,

and figuring out the rest,

and not accepting anything less,

for you,

because if you can realize that in your own shoes,

You understand these actions have something to lose,

Then maybe you would figure out something about yourself too,

I think finding what you want is the path you need to choose,

But I don't think that will happen while I am in a relationship with you.