The Words I Can Say Back

I don't want to lead you on,

But I don't want to tell you what's wrong,

You look forward to every time we talk,

But the silence that sits in our conversations speaks louder than my thoughts,

I don't know what to say to you anymore,

Every small conversation,

seems like simplistic imbedded convolution,

No deeper conversations other than,

How has your day been,

Because every word we say leads to a dead end,

I don't know how to fake the smile,

Chat about useless things for a while,

compliment you and go the extra mile,

To make you feel special,

I am excluding my heart and you see the vessel,

of whom I am presenting you with,

While you are questioning what you have missed,

Because in your mind we have been good,

Talked through what we should,

and overcame to where we are,

To you I am close, and to me you are far,

It's not the matter the distance between us,

or who has a car,

It's the fact that I don't think that we are enough,

And I can't fake that through casual conversation,

There is a crack in our foundation,

But I refuse to break it apart without hesitation,

Without being in person,

Even if our ending will worsen,

I can't just cut you off like a tag,

No matter all of the seen flags,

you deserve better than that,

But you are counting down the day to hug me back,

While I try to control how I continue to act,

and the words I can casually say back.