Your Actions

You say you see my progress.
You express that you're proud of me, but your actions speak much louder than your words.
Your actions show, you envy of my gifts.
Your actions show, jealousy.
Your actions show you prefer me better off, when I dwelled under a rock emotionless, & zombie like!

Your actions show, my struggles excite you!
Your actions show anyone can win, but me!
Or maybe I can win, but only after you or with your advice and guidance, because the recognition must go towards you and only you.
Your actions show you wish I was never born!
Your actions show you'll be 1st in line, to see me take my last breath!

Perhaps you wouldn't even shed a tear, rejoicing in your mind, that I've finally disappeared.

I begin to ponder what I've done to you?
Even if I just met you, where does this negative energy towards me derive from?
Even if I've known you my whole life, what scars have I given you?

Rapidly rethinking life, I gave you love!
In spite of your actions, I showed you compassion!
I poured into you, my last if you needed it.

I gave you a smile, even on my worst day.
I gave you a yes, when I should have said "hell no"!
I gave you me, and yet you still took from me.

You invaded my space safe.
You pushed thru my boundaries, to benefit you!
You exploited my secrets, past trauma, for a little clout you might gain.
You discarded me, when I was no longer useful.
Then You attempt to re-claim me, when I bring you popularity or success!

Your actions are weird and chaotic.
Your actions are manipulative.
Your actions are abusive!

Your actions are like a cry for help, dark and deeply rooted to your own personal un-processed pains.
Your actions are childish, if only I can find another word more suitable considering, I've had enlightened conversations with children, that had more sense than you!

Your actions will no longer, dictate my movements.
Your actions will no longer, replay like reels in my mind.
Your actions will no longer affect or phase me. If not this lifetime, hopefully the next, I pray that one day, your actions will mirror your words.