You’ve Caused Me So Much Pain

FRESHAMAN YEAR, SEPTEMBER 2019- DECEMBER 2019

You’ve caused me so much pain...

You’ve taken a piece of my heart and smashed it right in front of me. And I have no way to express my feelings to you. As time passes by, you only drift more and more away from me which makes it harder to even tell you these things. You moved on so quick. Got real bold, it’s sick. Like you didn’t even care about me or my feelings. You even told me you loved me. What was the point? You didn’t even mean it. You said all that you said in the heat of the moment. You made me obsessed with you, only to leave me with my heart in my lap just like before.

You’ve caused me so much pain... I can’t even give another man a chance. I’m so stuck on you and the past. It’s not like I even want to be with you, cause I don’t. I just wish you didn’t treat me the way that you did. You had your own issues that you have to work out. But why did you have to make me the lab rat to your experiment? Your experiment to growing as a better person. You could have told me you weren’t ready. We could have taken it slow. That’s what I wanted. You walk past me everyday as if you don’t see me.

You’ve caused me so much pain.... I can’t stop crying. I guess this is what depression feels like. I can talk to whomever, at anytime that I want. Unfortunately, the feeling of being okay is only temporary. I look at the loss of a relationship as a loss of a part of myself. I’m past denial and anger, I’m just sad.

You’ve caused me so much pain... I want to isolate myself from the outside world. Crank my Lauryn Hill playlist and cry myself to sleep, knowing that’s not gonna help. You moved on so fast, like what we had wasn’t much. It has my mind spinning with suspicion. Did you ever mean all the good things you said? Was it just lust? Why does this always happen to me? I know I’m good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, amazing enough. You’ve caused me so much pain... my heart still jumps in anxiety when I see you it could give me a panic attack. You’ve caused me so much pain... I don’t know if I can come back from that.

You’ve caused me so much pain...