you should have killed me

waiting up all night

turing my lungs to ashes

numbing all the endings of my nerves

my poisons of choice

consists of drugs, drinks and boys

the purpose they serve

lines at the perfect time

and in the nick of- made a decision to stay on this earth

one more high and i wouldnt come back down

but without all that, am i strong enough to survive

flashbacks trickling into my mind

when im undressed under a spotlight

i dont even opt to drown them out now

i am constantly racing against myself to revert to

the girl i was before you

all i think about is escaping this town

all i think about is untimely death

if heaven was a place

mine, would be the place where nothing ever happens

quite, still rest

a touch of darkness

after a life lived in a race

but you couldnt even commit to giving me that

and no amount of money and drugs can rewind time back

because you know our son needs mom more than dad

especially one like you

no amount of fun and love will get it out of my head

you have no idea what the reminders do

i douse myself in anesthetics

STILL trying to forget you

nothing is worse than growing up to be a statistic

my skin goes cold anytime a mans hand clenches my neck tight

youve taken the happiness

right out of my eyes

there isnt a way for me to hide this

and you had no fucking right

everyone sees what youve done

and it doesnt matter what im told

i hate knowing you've won

you shouldve killed me.

now with this trauma, i'll grow

whats the worst that could happen to a girl whos already been burnt?

dancing for money is gonna get old

using what a good lord gave me to spite men who think they have power over a body

is going to get old

surely?

the only man i love sees me as a waste of life

so back to the drawing board it is

do what i do best

self destruction is like my only reflex

god complex kicks in

like a white knight

to save me from the hurt

but my god complex is hades on his boat

and if i dont hop off the boat now,

thinking i am invincible is what will surely have me die.

and thats all she wrote.

-g.m.t.