You

I love you. Why I love you I’m not sure but I know that I do. You break my heart. You abuse my love. You Use me however you feel whenever you feel, then you throw me out like trash. I always feel that I am everything yet nothing whenever you’re around. You make me feel like I am higher than god himself but you also make me feel as if I am lower than the tiniest atom found in the most meaningless item in the world. People ask me why I still deal with you or why I ever entertain your presence in my life. I have no answer. You break me you broke me. You ruined me and even after seven years of the same bullshit I still deal with you. You hurt me in ways that I only allowed because I loved you in ways you'll never imagine. I'm weak for you, slow for you, happy for you and low for you. I am nothing without you yet everything without you. You confuse me, anger me, irritate me, we argue I cry you leave and then come back. You change for a few months and I'm “happy” again. I brag and swear to my friends that you’re “different” this time. Nothing will be the same and you'll never make me cry again. Of course, that’s all a lie. Within a matter of weeks, I am stupid again. Within a matter of days, I am hurt again. Within a matter of hours, I'm broken. All over again. All because you I chose to ignore the signs. I took you back without even a second thoughts. I didn’t hesitate in the slightest. I love you today the same way I loved you yesterday. I look at you and see every memory good and bad. I only get bad because that’s all you give me and the good, the good I hold on to and that may be why I always go back to you. Maybe after all these years it wasn’t you and maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the one causing all this pain. Maybe I'm the one making myself be stupid because I crave the good memories.... that will never come. They’ll never arrive. All I'm left with at the end of the day is the happy memories. Nothing more. My only option is to leave you but I can't, I won't, I refuse to because of those damn happy memories with you. I hate you. I need you. I love you. I crave you. I live for you. I would die for you. Kill for you. Take a life and go to jail for you, fall to the darkest depts of hell for you and you wouldn’t even take a walk for me. But I would do everything in the world for you over and over again and I don’t regret it. I'll admit I'm pretty stupid but I'm only stupid for you. I love you and I just want you to love me back. Please. Could you please ever love me back. Right now, where’re good, happy, content. We laugh and talk on the phone together. Right now, you're nice to me again but I just counting away the days until you change again. Until you're back to that guy. That guy I hate but love. That guy I wish to see and be with. Every second of my life. I wish you would notice me and love me. I wish you would notice how much I do for you. How much I sacrifice for you. But you won’t will you? Don’t answer that I already know. I’ll leave you alone. Bye