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Yearning

Unzipped

By Pauline FountainPublished 2 months ago 1 min read
[ Image : Pauline Fountain ]

What we yearn for as human beings is to be visible to each other.

Jacqueline Novogratz

*

Remembering the 24 July 2018.

*

Meal finished.

Though initially reticent and hushed, we soon begin a frenetic chat! 

Unzipped. 

Our shared elated buzz manifests as a tumble and jumble of anecdotes.

Then, excitement curtailed, we transition to the gentle and steady pace of conversation.

I listen, entranced by his enthusiasm; his humorous recounts and adolescent concerns. 

I perceive the emotional struggles as he transforms from child to man. 

He is capable of great empathy and I notice a flicked comment here and there to the contrary. 

I pull him up with a ‘stop right there’ intervention and discuss his transgression and the nature of his innate kindness. 

It’s the first time we have ever had an evening together. An experience beyond our Saturday Coffee Club or movie catch-ups

I have absorbed the grief of those less regular. 

I have no doubt of the essential value of living away from my son. 

The backstory is long and ‘let’s not go there’ and I deal with it well most times.

Yet, when I sit and watch and listen to Ross; I can’t help but wish it was different.

The pleasure denied of observing his daily rhythm. 

I fight the yearning.

The chasm of Dissociation threatens.

I implement techniques.

My longing quickly recedes as my memories of restriction return. 

Negation.

Realism. 

Equilibrium.

Pauline Fountain. © 2024. All rights reserved. No part of this work may be used or reproduced without the written permission of the author.

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About the Creator

Pauline Fountain

Writing and photography provide a creative outlet to reflect with meaning on my life.

My mental health? Bipolar 1 (Rapid Cycling), Complex PTSD and Functional Neurological Disorder.

My son’s gentle wisdom furnishes me with the gift of hope.

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Comments (4)

  • Jay Kantor2 months ago

    Pf ~ Coincidence: My wedding was on the 24th of July. Zipped-it-Up from there. btw; Just did a sketch of BigBellyBeer Guy for my next article - Thanks for the inspiration - stand in line for royalties. j.in.l.a.

  • Tiffany Gordon 2 months ago

    I love your work! Thx 4 sharing!!!!

  • This was so poignant and emotional. Loved your poem. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️

  • Shirley Belk2 months ago

    Oh, that must be terribly difficult. I think every mom wishes at some point that they could stay children forever. Any separation for any reason is cruel to our innermost parts. Moments have to make do; it seems...so we make the most of them. Loved the honesty in your story and you have a very handsome son!

Pauline FountainWritten by Pauline Fountain

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