Who I am Without Him

What I became when I was with him....

You used to wrap your arms around me and call me beautiful....

I used to believe it too, until that beautiful became ugly to me.

That beautiful became ugly when I let you choose what I could and could not wear.

That beautiful became ugly when I let you tell me where to go and who to go with.

And I became ugly when you stopped calling me beautiful.

I became ugly after you criticized me for the length of my skirt.

I became ugly when my shirt showed too much skin.

I became ugly when I believed you when you said I’d never be a model because being a model was slutty showing off that much to men and women.

I became ugly when you cheated on me and I forgave you.

I became ugly when you finally said it. I was ugly.

I became ugly when my rage filled me up like a volcano waiting to erupt and when it did you made me feel like I was to blame...

I became ugly when I seen your women who were beautiful and unique while I was bland and oblique.

I became ugly no more when I realized the pain you were putting me through!

I became beautiful when my mind set changed. You were to blame you were my rage in a 5”9 person behind a screen.

I became beautiful when I ripped down the four years in my mind and found happiness without you.

I became beautiful when I killed you in my mind with a fully loaded gun because you couldn’t live without me right?

I became beautiful when I rose from from the ashes of self hate and self doubt and became who I was.

I became beautiful when I stopped letting a man ruin my life.

And lastly I became beautiful because I let myself become it.