Mango Cheese Cake and Ludacris
5 signs he’s an abusive Asshat
Now I know what you’re thinking:
“Karma, what does Mango Cheese Cake and Ludacris have to do with abusive men?”
Well let me tell ya, those two are what kept me from going back to him.
Let me start you off with the cold hard truth:
I was in an abusive relationship for four years. I met him 4 years ago on Meet me (yes I know an online relationship 😅) but he was kind and he was gentle at first. Within two weeks we were utterly inseparable, and we put our “in a relationship statuses everywhere on social media within those two weeks! Which brings me to my first and foremost sign.
#1. too quick and too easy:
When you first get into a new relationship you can’t help but feel as if you’re walking on clouds, but that’s not what this was, this was a mask. He wasn’t going to show me the real him until he had me in his grasp. The first sign and why I called it too quick and to easy is because when an abusive person wants to claim you they will do everything and anything to make for sure any male or female in your life knows it, that you are his. When it seems like it’s way too easy that might be a sign that he is trying to claim you, keep an eye out for it. He’ll make you feel safe with him, make you feel as if you can’t live without him.
now my ex was your typical guy, lived with his mom (mind you I was 16,he was 17) and his two sisters, smoked weed, drank alcohol, and hung out with his friends. But to me, he was my everything, I couldn’t go a day without him, couldn’t live without him. At the time I was so in love, with the idea of love that I didn’t care that he was miles away. My parents disapproved, and I could care less, he was my drug and I was addicted. Now as our relationship went on, we would send letters and bracelets, I burned all of them 3 years ago 😂 but still it was going good, till it came around my birthday. October 7th.
When it came around this time (at that point 8 months had gone by. This dude started acting funny. He would leave me on read, he would tell me he was in one place, then he’d be at another. Then this girl decided to message me on his phone saying that he was cheating me with her. Well I was a dumbass and called him later that night only to be blocked.
Which brings me to #2
#2. GIRL CODE:
Always and I mean always believe the women who come out and say your mans cheating! I was so hurt that he blocked me, that I got possessive. I hit up the chick who hacked his phone and chewed her a new one. But that’s not what I should have been doing. This girl didn’t mean anything by it, she just was being straight forward with me. He was to blame. There’s some shady-ass men in this world and you can’t blame the females that are trying to protect you from him. Girl code is the ultimate and truest code of honor if you got a Va J J. Now within the 4 years of being with him if I remember right about 15 (yes 15) girls came out and told me he was talking to them, sending them nudes, or that he had another profile. I was young and stupid dont blame me.
Now as the years went on, he’d message me around the same time every year apologizing for his bullshit. I’d take him back every year. But every time the abuse would get worse. That’s when he’d start gas lighting me.
#3.The definition of gas lighting is:
“manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity”
Now it started small, but soon it was every day he’d make me question whether or not my memory was correct. If a situation actually happened, or if it was all in my imagination. One night, he stayed up way late and we were on Skype, I was laying there while he played video games with his friends. As they were playing one of his friends started talking about how hot I was. My ex thought this a threat and threw his controller and said “naw man, she’s a fat bitch, I’m only with her because she begged me to be.” Mind you, he was drunk at the time. But in the morning I woke up and was still on Skype with him, he woke up and I assessed the situation from the previous night. He denied all Allegations along with made me think it was all in my head, that it was a dream.
Moving passed this I started up my sophomore year of highschool, I started dressing like I usually do, which before him I was very confident in my body. This changed because he started to control what I wore. Any time I would wear a low cut shirt, a short skirt (in his eyes a short skirt was below my knees, he’d threaten to break up with me. And at that time I was so co-dependent (and he knew this) that’d I’d listen. For years I dressed like a guy, baggy sweatshirts and pants. Unless on special occasion where he’d ALLOW me to wear something cute.
#4 control of your wardrobe
This is one of the most important signs. Because once you let him pertain to what you’re wearing well, fuck, you might as well plan your wedding to this asshole because girl, it’s going to be hard as fuck to get out.
And this sign I should of high tailed it out of there because that’s not the worst of it.
#5 the suicide card (trigger warning)
Now this ones the kicker!
My ex was a pro at this any time I would catch him cheating, wearing something I liked or better yet when I tried to go for modeling without his permission, he’d go straight for saying he was going to kill himself. See I wish someone would have told me this when I was in the situation but here it is.
“You are not responsible for anybody’s happiness!!!”
See and that card is was brought me to the best fucking break up I’d ever had.
4 years into toxic-abusive relationship I found my self worth. There’s a lot to my relationship but I’m not going into too much detail. But it was a hell of a ride, and I’m glad it’s over.
Now the day I broke up with him, a girl had posted on his Snapchat “love you boo” I followed sign #2 for the first time in my life and didn’t find out who she was and let out a can of whoop-ass on her. No I went straight to him.
He answered finally and told me he was busy I was like “well you can get back to HER in a minute but I just wanted to let you know that we’re done!”
I swear I could hear the air leave his lungs, and I could hear the shakiness in his voice as he said “no, you’re not done with me, I can’t live without you, give me another chance.”
And I said my last and final words to this man and I’m fucking proud.
“If you can’t live without me then why are you still breathing.” And I hung up on him. Blocked his number, and cut him off at the root out of my life.
The next day though it hit me like a brick wall, my best friend who is now my room mate, came to my house, picked me up, gave me the aux cord and told me to let it out.
I put on Get Back by Ludacris on repeat and sang/rapped word for word. I cried non-stop as we pulled into a Barnes and Noble parking lot to get Starbucks and as we reached the counter I looked down and saw cheere cake. There was one, a mango cheesecake and it was $25 dollars. I was about to ask the cashier for it, but he looked in my eyes and knew I needed it and said “I got you”
This stranger paid for my cheesecake and put it in a bag.
I ate that whole cheesecake in two days. But after that last slice I was okay. And ever since then that day is a memory and a reminder to be strong and to NEVER let a man treat me that way ever again.
I’m now 22, met the love of my life that treats me with respect and has none of these signs.
Thank you for readings. I hope this helped.