Wheezie Triptych

I. Grandma

Bitter body

full of

tar and insulin

I don't want to

become you

but have I

already taken my first step?

*** ***

II. Honey-does

I forgot a few of the chores you asked me to do.

I wish I remembered what they were.

You’re gone now, a feeling of the unfinished

business sits in your recliner

the card table waits in the closet

ready for another rummy marathon

us three will never get to play.

Clothes lay unfolded on the bed,

dishes soak in the sink

stainless steel crept slowly into your kitchen.

This place resists change, a trait inherited—

Stubborn old house

memories of the dead entrenched in every corner.

*** ***

III. Wheezie

I don’t care to count how many birthdays it’s been without you,

And you stopped counting long before now.

“Everything past 65 is a bonus” was a common motto –

in between drags of the Virginia Slims and pull of the high roller slots;

You were always most lucid in the electric casino’s glow. Despite our times together near the end,

I find myself crying over conversations I didn’t have with you.

It’s always a pain in the ass when the old adages bear their truths.

Again. And again.

***

I used to think I hated you because

You were throwing your life away.

At the same time, I so desperately wanted

to die. A multitude of questions and reality

had become a burden too much to bear.

I had no idea –

the reasons behind you,

nor the impossible flights you’d climbed.

Near the end you’d lost all

the independence that sustained you.

I wish I could’ve understood that sooner.

***

We’ll carry your light on

with wit and joy, sorrow too, though I’d best

not admit that I’m crying now and tempt you

back to haunt me. Although, it’d be nice to listen again,

to your stories of GD, bunco parties,

people we never knew whose threads wove through

your life. To watch Perry Mason again, with tuna sandwiches,

coke and coffee… or the casseroles you and Seba loved, the ones

I played at hating it, but you knew I’d go back for seconds.

Those last years were some of the best, and worst,

you know most of all.

Miss you, love you, always. <3

*** *** **** ****

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed (or didn’t!) please feel free to heart, leave insights, and comment. For more of my work, subscribe to see alerts when something new is published!

Wanna read another poem? Here’s one written for a past Vocal challenge, reflecting on the joy I find in my partner:

https://vocal.media/poets/seba