Growing up boys would say they loved me, but like I, they didn't understand what the gravity of the word was or what it meant
Not wanting to be left in the dark, my fingers clicked over the keyboard and scanned google for the answers that I sook, but even the same disappointing thing was written in every book:
love is something unexplainable and undefinable, it just is. You'll know you're in love, when you fall in love
So being naive as I am, I fell in love with the idea of being in love
One. Two. Three. Four. Five abusive relationships now over, I felt as if love was as rare as finding a four leaf clover
I turned my head to such an obscure intangible idea, and instead pushed it aside and found superficial love to hide behind
Because this fairy tale depiction was impossible to find
Fragile love turned to carnal sexual pleasure and desire, as thoughts of romance crackled and burned in fire
Heart scarred and battered and twisted and tangled, this idea that love even existed now mangled, because
There are nights where it hurts to breathe, like acid is being poured down my throat, and my parents say I'm being dramatic and using teenage angst as a scapegoat
They kept repeating as if they're a broken record, we're doing this because we love you even if I was the one who suffered
Give up. Give up. Give up! my heart screamed! Time and time again the idea grew more tempting as my tears streamed.
But I knew that I couldn't give my life away, because life isn't a game where you get to hit replay.
Now at 21 I understand there are multiple kinds of love, and rays of hope sometimes do shine from above
People now in my corner who love me for me, and the last thing they deserve to see my heart and mind drowned in toxicity
Misconceptions cleared, family isn’t determined by blood, and fake friends and relationships should be revered
Therefore I won't give up because those people push me to thrive and shine
And such negative destructive thoughts aren't worth a dime
So moving forward if this four letter word is bringing confusion and causing your heart to melt and burn
Love is a journey, and a lesson it all wants us to pursue and learn.
About the Creator
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