Unconscious

I'm in an always continuing war with myself,

my brain,

my heart,

my unacknowledged soul,

like a broken record stuck on repeat

my memories are scattered across the battle field,

both good and dreaded, both memorable and the ones I wish I could forget

shot down, dead, but still there

soldiers, the people I thought I knew, now fighting for my opposite cause

we all hope to win this war, yet I'm running out of resources

As their army grows,

I shrink,

into my skin until I'm living within my own sorrow, dwelling within my own mind

they often affect my every thought, my every action, in a way I will never forget

its memory, always there

making my skin crawl and the hairs on my arms rise, till they're needles

and I'm trying to stitch myself back together but I don't know how to

metal, making it hard for the needle to penetrate my skin

Every gash caused by bullets sits untouched, open for your infection

they've all taken their shots at the emotions that dwell within my heart

their bullets leave a sting to my skin, as they pass through bone and nerves, leaving behind not only pain but stress and fear

fear of being alone, unloved by anyone and everyone

they make me feel as though I'm draped in chains, and they just get heavier until I've been crushed under the weight of their lies

these chains link together stretch for miles, like the yellow brick road that Dorothy took home

but unlike Dorothy I will never get home cause I'm lost at sea, my tears adding to its great amount

I can't stand it, my lonely ship heading into a storm

so I sit,

I sit here unconscious, not knowing what else to do, nothing else matters besides letting go

letting my emotions flow in this river of pain , as it fills the ocean, and it's already flooding

but the waterworks don't stop

and I sink

my wrecked ship lost at sea

to the bottom,

until I feel nothing