Unable to Forget

A lost year for sure.

Not for growth, for knowledge, for perseverance.

Not for understanding complexity, or existentialist concepts.

I, however, have learned a ton more than I bargained for

When it comes to faith, life, anxiety, fear, doubt, anger,

sadness, despair, grief, chaos, loss, stress, rage, and creativity.

Even as I have experienced these emotions and ambiguities,

it has been a lost year for love.

I have been crushed by its hold. Overwhelmed by its ferocity.

I never thought I could experience emotions as deeply.

Loving her was easy, natural, & authentic.

The realest love I have experienced.

Not having that love all 2023 has been like a decomposing corpse.

Its effects have been slow and painful.

I have been a zombie during the day and a waterfall at night.

I have wished every single day to have her back.

I have doubted my recollection of events.

I have questioned, “Did I make this up?”

I have wished to have never met her.

In spite of my mind’s weakness,

I know we were best friends.

We loved each other.

I am glad I met her.

I am glad I fell in love.