Home

It is where I learned the ways of my family

Where fear held me hostage and decayed

my mind. I was made invisible because of my

lack of confidence. It was where I was

taught to think and obey in the

classroom, yet real life skills were of

little value. “Yes ma’am,” “yes sir,” “no ma’am,”

and “no sir” were the law. The law was

never to be questioned or rearranged

because that was considered disrespectful

Even when wanting to ask real questions, one

was shot down with quick answers that really did

not make sense. Still with these limitations life was

pretty decent. We had clothes on our backs,

parents that cared, and our basic needs met. We

had no reason to complain and it was fun hanging

out with my mom on shopping days. I received

M&M peanuts, which was my favorite. She would

cook dinner, take me to practice, and read bedtime

stories. My dad, on the other hand, taught us how

to throw a football, shot a basketball, and wash a car.

We too, learned to work with our hands. Cutting grass,

picking up weeds and changing tires. Like our hands that

formed callouses, that is the way our minds stayed.

Formed by the conservative theology we were bought

up under. Boys did not get mani’s or pedi’s, and girls

did not perform athletics. Not on the court or the field

or even the microphones of ESPN. Those were foreign

dreams never to be imagined by us. Everything was black & white

Simple and straightforward. Evil or good. There was no room

for deliberation. No room to argue or to have your own opinion.

The other I speak of are my siblings. I am the middle child

and most different, most unusual, and yet the most compliant

I will let the others tell their own story, so I will not speak for them

My experience was wonderful, exotic, and altogether different

I grew up fearful but happy. Not talking but at the same time

my silence spoke volumes. Reserved but silent. Obedient but dying

for affection. Agreeable but wanting to be heard. I grew up in a good

home happy and taken care off, but I was screaming to be heard,

wanting to express myself without guilt or fear. My resilience pushed

me through though and I hold no grudges. I am just glad to be here

where I am today having been brought up through my first home