Twenty-Two years...
I wrote this poem about my journey & dedicate for Suicide Awareness month(September);CW-depression, anxiety, PMDD, thoughts of suicide/darkest thoughts, and trauma.
Keeping to myself is a very busy thing to do.
Knowing myself is still a big thing.
But, I don't know myself…
Why?
It's complicated…
And it's exhausting…
I know it has been overwhelming these days
It was also the scariest thing to deal with —
When did that happen?
When did it start?
Twenty -Two years…
How long have I had those thoughts?
Twenty -Two years…
Thoughts of what?
Death?
Why?
Why do I have to think like that?
I wish I could believe that phrase-
‘suicide is not the answer’--
Sadly, I don't —
Why?
I wish I could believe ‘just keep living, keep moving forward-
But, it's still painful.
It's way too painful to move on.
Why?
Because this pain will never stop!
Because I am stuck in the repeating loophole!
It won't stop!
It will not ever go away!
No matter what good times–
No matter what bad times-
No matter what good days–
No matter what bad days-
It's been repeating like this—
Over and over and over and over again!
But please—
Just stop!
Don't ever judge me.
I don't want to be ashamed.
Don't ever be afraid of me.
I am NOT selfish!
I am NOT a coward!
I am NOT weak!
I just need help!
I just need someone I can talk to-
I need to keep myself safe & comfortable-
I know it was scary to battle with unstoppable pain-
I know it wasn't easy-
But, I am still in the progress.
It's still healing…
I am still healing…
I am still here…
And I survived…
I am here.
I am alive.
I am not alone.
About the Creator
Meghan LeVaughn
I'm Meghan. I’m almost 36. I always love to be creative and using my imagination since I was a little girl. I like stories & love to share my inspirations, journeys, etc.
www.twitter.com/MegsDreamDesign
www.instagram.com/meghansdreamdesigns
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Comments (4)
Courageous & Inspirational!!! You are not alone!!! Left a heart💕💖
Thank you for sharing this powerful piece.
It’s such a dark place to be. And so difficult to understand if you haven’t lived it. Well done!
I was there too once. In my 20s. So glad it passed with help. I'm 68 now and I'm so happy with life❤️ Thank you for sharing ❤️