Trilogy of E-Letters

The houses I’ve lived in

Spirituality.

Truth.

Love.

Kindness.

care for the human. the gentle warrior.

made up my foundation.

My parents.

built our walls out of a resonance with Islam. A religion. of peace. In a society that taught war. revolutionaries. They made a whole room sacred where only pray. connection. and meditation was allowed. This was my normal. This house was decorated black. it’s unclear who decided. But those parents of mine. damn sure made it feel. like royalty. I had space. to create. contemplate. imagine. and explore. My original to-do list.

House number two.

I learned was called eczema. It showed me my anger. passion and anxiety. It taught me. patience. self love. and the power of touch. Also, how to care. for the pieces of me I saw as ugly. pro-tip: scratching an itch no matter how much fucking pleasure it brings. can lead to infection. and more time itching.

My body.

I turned into a room. and over time. I was afraid to visit. So we packed it with fat. and comfort. blurring out the truth. of its feelings. I didn’t want to be seen. I noticed others grabbing. at. seen bodies. trying to possess their beauty. to somehow nourish their frail being. Bodies are so valuable yet treated so mean. I ignored my body.

Science was my next home.

and oh. how it allowed me to feel my brilliance. the playground seemed vast and enriching. It taught me that intention is only a part of the equation. when we forget that we don’t know. we believe without critical inquiry. So a lot of people believed I was just a girl. a child. a student. They missed out. and so, we missed out. on my spirit. wisdom. voice. My brilliance was not appropriate. so I kept it inside. for my own personal delight.

The homes I chose.

were owned by other beings. I reveled in their energy. and I learned through observation. and listening. I learned compassion and pleasure for the sake of pleasure. I learned how to chill and that laughing feels good. I learned to disown “bad” parts of me. sadness. jealousy. envy. melancholy. my sensuality. Happy. Jolly. Silly. and naive. became the roles I played. I dimmed my light.

Learning was my oasis.

Curious was my favorite thing to be. Questions were how I breathed. Epiphanies were my candy. Sharing. discussions. reading. and expansion. was the lifestyle I seeked. I didn’t know. we burn witches at the stake. and philosophers had to fight. and be abused. so that their nourishing gifts could be received. I didn’t know that creativity was the devil. and their was a right way to phrase my expression. what makes you the authority. over other beings. I didn’t know words could mean. anything. used to conflate. confuse. obscure. I didn’t know your purpose. was spilt. I learned to enjoy surprises.

My intuition.

saved me. and my heart. never stopped. nourishing me. teaching me appreciation and love for all the homes. that sheltered me.

Thank you. your legacy is apart of me. and I am glad for it. I wish you happiness. expression. and unconditional abundance. you did good.

happy birthday to me!

The truth about the plants that nourished me. My history.