Trilogy of E-Letters

hi.

third. if you are not feeling it. don't read it, seriously. no action is expected from you, by me. and if you feel you must do something, save it for a later time. when you want to engage. This is 100% my selfish act. I'm writing you a letter bc I want to. and I'm sharing a journal entry bc I enjoy sharing things with you. anything more is something new, in a way.

first. I really appreciate your silence. interestingly, though, not surprising given how we vibe, it has been much needed, pleasurable and an enhancing moment for me. I'm really grateful, once again, for your commitment to your body, health and well being. I will always support and celebrate you doing you. and it doesn't hurt that it also helps me do me.

second. whaaaaa... there are other ways of sharing not anchored by a practice of compulsory, pavlovian, "timely" responding. shocking. and appreciative for this reminder. I wrote a journal entry in my big journal book (I can't forget how you called it out at the cemetery lol), after waking up around 3am, something in me wanted to express. aand wouldn't let me sleep. while I was writing, I had a desire wanting to share it with you. since I'm building a new relationship with my desires, here I am, sharing.

5/16/20 last quarter pisces

What do you do when you learn that what you've been doing is not the best you can do? when you learn that the way you've been breathing is not healthy. and does not empower your body systems. how do you face a reality that calls your own actions. beliefs. contributions. and ask them to explain themselves. how do you hold your body. as it becomes exposed and tender.

I think forgiveness and mourning play a role here. along with contemplating all the ways you are not in control. we have inherited so much from previous generations. the tribes of our blood line. and the way people thought before they learned they didn't know. we are children that have grown by the eyes of our parents. though, we haven't yet evolved from the paradigms and ways of seeing that they gifted us with. They were right in their time and space. and now we know more. and we observe a different need. so we mourn this change of attention, we cultivate. and we use forgiveness to guide us towards union. communion. we are on the same journey. its just, the altitude and atmosphere has shifted and like all organisms. adaptation is required to maintain homeostasis.

Thank you for giving me what was nourishing to you. it served me. it developed this body. and I love this body. yet this body was not created by you or me. we are just the gardener. each playing a role. accepting a temporary. short-term position as the custodian. curator. attendant. steward. caretaker. of all that resides here. and there's a whole world. planet within. taking up this space. multiple systems. interacting. guided by a balance. that is impermanent yet stable. and ever expanding. the nature of this body is not held by us. yet we can hold this body, shaping this dynamic universe however we want. The homeostasis point of a gardener who is also an artist. you do have the power of manipulation. and the tools to engage in its efforts. a source of control. a core false belief. it's okay. to still believe. we are learning. and some lessons require repetition. contemplation. the revolution of multiple planets. the continual cycling thru different systems. the orbiting that may seem stuck. given the eyes we inherited. Though, we understand. when we observe a flower. blooming is always occurring. even when it wilts. and expands in the direction of the earth. its destruction. change. is a seed and nourishment. so we thank every season. for they all are sacred. and bound by a timeline not of our human making.

gratitude. is the clearing. an empty space. that is also so full. love is felt here. always available. and unattached. neutral in its flow.

Mmm...that was fun

love you.

hadiyah