Toxic

I took care of myself when I was ten while you stayed out drinking with your friends

I took care of you when I was fourteen, while you were drunk, holding back your hair wasn't the worse thing

The worst thing was hiding.

Crying.

Pots and pans as you fought with your man go flying

The Blue coming in saying it'll be ok

I don't see how as they take you away.

Crying. Crying.

Constantly crying.

My tears are hidden as if happiness was forsaken, forbidden.

Toxic.

I loved you so much it made my heart sick.

Over and Over

Repetition.

Insanity.

I never knew you, yet lies, that grew you.

You ask me what's wrong,

I could never tell you

Secrets.

Secrets.

They ask, "who is she?"

In my mind I didn't know

You look at me and smile and inside it didn't show

Looking back at it now you weren't around to watch me grow.

Toxic.

I wanna know why

I wanna know now

I wanna know why you let me down.

Promises.

So many broken promises

I'm heading into darkness and I'm getting lost in it.

I wished so much that you'd love me so,

As I watched you care for the men that brought you many

All the money that you could carry,

I wish that it was plenty.

Crash

Crash

Crashing down

Your skin became painted

Black, Purple, Blue.

"How did these colors appear on you?"

She smiles

It's False

Her eyes no life and yet so lost

"These are the marks of a woman who has lost her fight."

It was true you were defeated

Your once soft skin now bruised

No mercy to the way you were treated

But I still had love for you.

I wanted you to have the world,

Yet you searched for it in all the wrong places

Has your love for me faded?

Has your hope in anything fell?

As I'm older and wiser I hope and pray you do well

Because Mom, I'm hurt and these scars aren't fading,

And I can't just sit and lose you but I also can't just keep waiting.