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To the me I never was

And will never be

By SemaraPublished 2 months ago Updated 19 days ago 1 min read
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To the me I never was
Photo by Martino Pietropoli on Unsplash

You always loomed so large, stories above me

behind me

You lacked form

So i let you borrow from mine

my brown skin

my dark hair

my brown eyes, though yours lacked warmth

Your yellowed nails were better described as talons

And Your voice was harder to pinpoint

Ever shifting, sliding through the hours

hushed at 7am, my immigrant mother’s fear filled hopes

stern at 8am, my immigrant father’s hope filled fears

Desolate at 6pm, shrinking, me

Haughty at 7pm, perfect, You

i refused to look behind me,

But You whispered in my ear incessantly,

Breath icy and coaxing goose flesh from me

At first it was before every test, then before school every morning, and then Before everything

i hid in bed till noon, held captive by Your faithfully scornful barrages but You found me later in afternoons anyways

Others could not hear You, but I knew they could see You;

the me I was meant to be

They brought You up in parent-teacher conferences

And emails home

And one on one meetings

With the same phrases about “potential, applying myself, confidence and discipline”

i wanted to tell them,

That those things were yours,

the potential

the promise

the confidence

what i had were your constant hateful whisperings

and an outline of who I could have been

they had me mistaken for you

But it was okay because

I was once mistaken too

Now I pity you, dear shade

Destined to be

tethered to light

but never illuminated

by its warmth

heartbreakGratitude
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About the Creator

Semara

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