To JK from a worried reader

Dear Joanne,

First of all, thank you for being so open and honest about your sad experience, and please don't take any of this as if I (or anybody else) is belittling your pain.

I read, like we all did some years ago, your letter depicting the abuse you were a victim of, and I do personally relate.

None of what you experienced is made lesser by what we are asking you for, though, why can't you see that at all?

I do wonder why I'm even writing this, like I'm wasting my time because I know you won't even want to acknowledge it all again.

But maybe your readers will, maybe someone else will and help us make things right.

Now, please understand that what happened to you is something we all feel sad about - no one is genuinely thinking that you deserved it - and many can relate to what you have gone through.

What happened to you was the doing of a bad man, and we all agree with that,

that he needs to face the consequences and that justice must be served,

that bit was never in doubt or denial by anyone from our side!

Bad men need to face the consequences of their actions, and bad women do so too. No one is contesting that!

What we're all asking you to process, to please try to understand,

is that for the bad men to pay for what they've done,

the responsibility needs to be put back on them again.

~

I fear that you might've crossed the line of no return,

since you're supporting those who say that armed men should be in women's bathrooms,

that all Trans people are dangerous,

and that science is wrong in what we now know to be correct and right.

And I'm worried you've crossed that line, most of all, because of the legions of people who follow you and will swallow your words instead of the truth.

Unfortunately, you have done so much more worse for all of us than you might ever understand.

Because you see, by now it goes so much further than the simplicity of Trans Women are Women and Trans Men are Men

- as they all truly are -

but that by actively demonizing them in the public eye,

you have set in motion a new wave of fear and prejudice that ultimately affects us all.

~

Armed men in women's bathrooms, can you really get behind that?

Those of us who have been assaulted there are truly horrified,

and I thought you were one of those of us,

as you wrote about it all - and I opened this letter with, to say I relate to it, remember that?

There is also the thing about examining girls' genitals, are you even aware you said yes to that? I am frankly, as before, also horrified!

Why is none of that bringing up red flags? You're supposed to be all about protecting girls, so no one suffers what you suffered too, and that's what we can all get behind.

So, why aren't you noticing the bits where your so-called friends are calling out for girls and women to be harmed?

And once again, we're all being affected, Cis and Trans alike

- the blame is being put on all except the ones who are to blame this far -

why have you not noticed that?

~

So let me just recap:

Trans Women being blamed for some Cis Men's malevolence,

Trans and Cis Women alike being put at potential harm,

Cis Men being seen as if they were *all* bad, when there's only some of them who are

- a fraction, really, who are getting away with it because the blame has been put on Trans people by you and your so-called friends -

Trans Men being left behind or shoved aside because the likes of you keeps lying about who they truly are,

Genderfluid and Non-binary people ending up in places they're not safe or understood because a loud minority of you can't stop penalizing them for who they are,

and let's not even start on how Intersex people now have to endure being constantly told that they never existed, when even a few decades ago they were perfectly scientifically understood.

~

And I and other women feel the same, that our voices go unheard,

not because others are Trans, or because some men or some are women or some are neither or both at the same time,

but because society sucks and we have all been questioned at one time or another about our femininity, even those of us who were born with the "right bits" to ensure "womanliness".

Honestly, that rigid questioning has gone on for far too long,

though not many people want to admit it so,

but those of us who have suffered under rigid gender norms fully understand that all of this just has to stop!

~

In my own personal experience, being assaulted in a bathroom as a child, and then again in other places as a teenager, in my twenties and beyond, by total strangers, authority figures and so-called friends,

it's always been Cis Men and not women - Cis nor Trans - who have attacked, and it's always been men around me who have attempted to defend me whilst some of the women have blamed me for what happened in the attack,

though total strangers of any gender have been just as accusatory as those women around have, to my face or online.

Yet I know this is only my experience, I'm aware others will have different ones.

In any case I always hope that victims will get the justice they deserve, and all abusers the consequences they'll face.

And women can be just as bad as men, as abusive mothers, teachers, politicians, etc. demonstrate,

many being Cis I might rightly add,

not to say that Trans can't, too, just that it's not them who are to blame for what some Cis Men do,

and even if some Trans Women did do that, then they would still have to pay for their actions, the same as all.

We need to listen to each other, and accept that it's "not all" from *any* group who does the bad,

nor that some should take the blame for what others malevolently do.

And maybe it would help us to remember that in media it has usually been Cis Men who dress as women and gain their trust in changing rooms, not Trans Women doing so or to that end

- Some Like It Hot, White Chicks and Saved by the Bell instantly come to mind, plus oh, so many more -

and not even as Drag Queens, which is another thing entierly, I might add,

so I believe many viewers have incorrectly perceived now what being Trans is like, or interchanged it with wearing Drag, both of which are valid and true, but not the same in terms of identity (or expression of the same).

~

Epistolary poems are not what I'm used to, but this time they serve their purpose, and I think I'm closing now.

But to reiterate, that first bit, your pain experienced, Ms. Joanne, we genuinely do understand! That was never put in question, nor demanded that you forgot about. That was only asked that you set that pain completely apart from what you have accused Trans Women of doing, when it's not them who first hurt you, not at all.

Now, as to the other problematic bits that have popped up, the racist issues in your books, and antisemitic imagery conjured in your pages, that might be a topic for another time,

but for now I wanted to take the chance of saying all of this, in case it helps, well, at least someone.

Sincerely,

Sandra Cole ~ Cis Woman, Bisexual and ally to Trans, Non-binary and Genderfluid people.

PS. I capitalized Trans, Cis, Women, Men, Genderfluid and Non-binary to categorize, and to underline individual identity rights. Other pieces of mine may or may not be capitalized, but the context, when you read them, will be all.