These Haunted Dolls
An Entry for Poppy's Prompt - January Edition
The following in an entry to Poppy's Prompts - January Edition:
.
Her babushka Dolls
Sing to me at 2am
I hear their voices call
Reminds me, I’m damned
.
“Patchwork, patchwork
And bullet holes too.
We picked the dandelions,
That will poison you.”
.
I tried to get rid of them
But they always return
Singing the same hymn
From beside her urn
.
She loved them so much
But now they won’t leave
And I have a hunch
They are my reprieve
.
I wish I hadn’t shot her
I fear the same fate
My days are but a blur
As I await, my final date
.
The dolls will taunt me
Until I give in
And set their souls free
To pay for my sin.
.
A note from the author:
This was my attempt at a poem to use all 5 of Poppy's Prompts. I'm not great with poetry but I am happy with the way I challenged myself to work everything in.
As always, I am open to cirtiques and constructive criticism. The guidance of my fellow Vocalites has always been the best way I have learned to hone my craft, so I appreciate all your help!
Thank you for reading,
Donna Fox (HKB)
About the Creator
Donna Fox (HKB)
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Comments (15)
What are you talking about - this IS great and lots of fun! 😊👍
well done donna
Donna, this is fantastic. You certainly are good at poetry. Well done.
You definitely ARE good at poetry!! This is incredibly done. The creepy little song part was so creepily good. "Patchwork, patchwork And bullet holes too. We picked the dandelions, That will poison you.” I thought this was going to be my favourite stanza... "She loved them so much But now they won’t leave And I have a hunch They are my reprieve" But then the next one might have surpassed it. That big reveal was stunningly done. Super well done Donna!
This was a fantastic horror poem. You left me with a feeling of Poe's raven with the way the dolls continued to haunt you. I especially like the note of constructive criticism you offered on the bottom. I need to add something similar to my pieces
Wow! I don't know why I wasn't expecting spooky poetry this early in the morning, especially given the title, but I simply loved it! This poem really told an interesting and powerful story, I got some definite Telltale Heart vibes from it, and the dolls singing to the guilty party? Brilliant I'm no great shakes at poetry either, but I think this was a truly excellent one! The only line that confused me was the one about the reprieve. I think I see what the POV was saying, but for some reason it just didn't click with me. Then again, I only read poetry on Vocal so... maybe wait for someone who knows what they're talking about lol
Great that you worked all five word prompts into this unsettling poem... not sure I'll be able to sleep! You did have the word haunted in the title, so we were warned!
Omgggg, I freaking love the song that the Babushka dolls were singing!!! I read that so many times and even sang it to my own tune (a taunting haunting tune) and now it's playing in my mind in a loop! Soooo awesomeeee!!! I love how they shot her but kept her urn of her ashes and her Babushka dolls beside it. And it keeps returning no matter what, lol! Now I wonder who are they, why did they shoot her and why are they still keeping her ashes. Soooo mysterious and intriguing! You did such a brilliant job with Poppy's prompts and that too by using all for 5 words! You're phenomenal D! 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Oh wow, this was chilling. I wonder what grandma did to get shot.
Fantastic!!! Love it!!!❤️
The poem is deliciously creepy. I especially I enjoyed your use of rhyming to make the dolls seem childlike; somehow, that always makes them seem even creepier. Your incorporation of the different elements from Poppy’s challenge was also very natural, something that would be very hard to pull off, I think. I think what would have taken this poem to the next level is if the picture had been of actual Babushka dolls (also known as Russian nesting dolls). Of course, these dolls are plenty creepy enough, so they work, too. Overall, I think you’ve done well here.
I love this...so creepily created
I read it, but you know me and poetry so I'm not much help. BTW in your explanation did you transpose your letters on purpose?
I think you did a great job at telling a story, evoking what was minimally said, and creating a sinister tone with the nursery rhyme rhythm on their chant.
Any poetry is special and well written if it evokes feelings. This verse did it for me, so you’ve done a great job in my book!