The Strength They Never See

Why can nobody seem to see the ugly scars that lie deep beneath the surface ? No matter how hard you fight or how loud you yell. It doesn’t even matter when you try to calm your voice and speak in a soft tone it still goes unnoticed.

How ? Why ?

Maybe you are not speaking clearly enough but if that’s the case why not let YOU know.

How can you pressure or persuade someone to be who you need them to be for you if they can’t be who they need to be for themself ?

What have you done so wrong to make anyone feel like oh it doesn’t even matter ?

You dry your own tears. You fight your own battles. You make your own conclusions but yet and still you fight this never ending battle of love and hate.

Step back let’s take a good look at it. Maybe it’s just the world. Or the people you surround yourself with. Or maybe you just never did care about how anybody felt other than yourself.

But I forgive you.

For your ignorance. For your selfishness. For your arrogance. For your constant need to drag somebody else down. I forgive you for what you did wrong even though you can’t admit how much wrong you have done.

I will not beg for you. For anything. I will not beg for your attention. I will not beg for you to be in my life if you don’t want to be. I will not pretend to care as much as you care especially when you don’t care at all.

They ask how you do it.

How can you live everyday PRETENDING not to care? Who said I was pretending?

How can you smile everyday without this person ? The same way that person smiles without me everyday.

She lives her best life best on her own. Before you she’s been through hell and back. Her strength magnifies with every heartbreak.

This cloaking device she seems to hold allows you to see something different while every single day a battle is fought for spiritual, emotional, and mental strength. But then you turn around and call her selfish for asking for a little bit of time. You call her evil when she says she’s done. You call her crazy when she goes off because she is a spiraling ball of emotions that you can’t seem to CONTROL.

Control.

A quality we all want to poses but don’t. I mean let’s be frank , how can you control a situation you have no control over when you can barely control yourself ?

Maybe instead of blame games and pointing fingers we sit and have a real conversation.

But that can’t happen when you feel attacked right?

But then you ask for honesty. You ask for loyalty. You ask for conversations and when you get everything you ask for it always seems to be an issue or someone else’s fault.

Let’s not play these games. Let’s not fight these battles. Let’s not win this war together but instead, let’s bash each other, let’s throw hate, let’s throw shade.

If you never wanted anything to do with me all you had to do was say so.

Isn’t that something we all say.

But then those words come along and we’re heart broken all the way over again. Why ?

Because it hurts to know you did everything in your power to be this persons everything. You gave your all to this person to show them that you did love them. You tried to talk it out. You fought battles. You defended them but that never mattered to them because the one time you said no you had to endure a new battle that only made you feel worse.

So it’s time to be done. Done with reaching out. Done with being the bigger person because sometimes that doesn’t mean anything. Done with apologies because you can’t apologize for a mistake that you didn’t cause. Done with being done. Wash your hands for last time. Be the best you that you can be FOR YOU.

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