The Same Little Girl

Daddy, I hope you read this thoroughly.

I’m still the same person I was 3 years ago.

I still have creativity,

I still hate the outdoors,

I still can’t stand cowboy movies,

I still get annoyed when someone scares me during a scary movie,

I still sing, I still draw,

and I still eat way more than I should.

I still love sweet foods, and I hate sweet potatoes,

I still can’t stand microwaved burritos and I still leave cups and cans sitting around.

I’m still the same girl that would ride my bike in circles on the carport and make up songs for you.

I’m still the same girl you have been mad at your friends for cursing infront of.

Just 4 years ago, maybe 3,

you couldn’t even speak that way around me, wouldn’t let others do it either, let alone

DO IT TO ME.

I would never have dreamed my daddy, you, the man who made me say “dang” instead of “damn” when singing kid rocks “picture” song.

And look where we are..

Our relationship has gone from you watching me ride my bike down Ronnie Stewart’s driveway and being so proud when I did it without hitting the breaks, and always telling me that I could do better.

Even if it wasn’t always in those words.

I see posts from 7,8 years ago on Facebook where I said

“my daddy needs to come get me! Getting tired of this crap” or, “Man.. I wish I lived with my daddy..”

And I usually tear up. I usually have a sinking feeling in my chest for a few minutes, and then I hear “momma where are you??” From Ronan in the other room, and I snap out of it.

I realize that, I’m not able to have my daddy like I used to.

You don’t respect me anymore.

You don’t wonder what I’m doing and call.

You were there when I had Ronan, and it seems that day was the last day I remember the feeling of peace and comfort you gave me.

After that, it was gone.

It disappeared and I couldn’t hold on tight enough for it to stay.

I’m not gonna be able to keep this up.

I’m not gonna continue to break my own heart.

Because no matter how much I scream that I’m the “same little girl”

You’ll never, ever look at me the same.

I have to heal my heart.

The right way. And I’ll do anything I need to in order for that to happen.

I’m sorry I lost your respect, dad. But

I’m not sorry for gaining respect for myself.

**Response**

::Daddy::

You’re the one that chose drugs and all your little friends over me so cut the crap.

You owe me and others sincere apologies.

***Shattered***