The Promise...

I can count a thousand things I want to say to you. Can you hear the whispers in your ear. The clarity of your eyes gave me clarity of mind until you drove me mad with worry and desire for you; into the night you walked the last road of your life, the light guiding you into the shadows under the moons silent gaze and into the vast known of the unknows.

I wailed when I got the news; no longer could I hear the sound of your laughter, sweet words of loving kindness, or lay in the arms of your warm embrace. What happened to your love for life, your easy-going gait, as you walked into a room with that dangerous air of confidance, that claimed, "I got this game."

Where are you my beautiful man; my crazy, mad human, always living in the fast lane, and leaving no hope in my heart of growing old in your arms. Were you alone when you sighed your last good breath; did you know my love for you was not lost, just waiting for the miracle of knowing you were good, whole again, not in the forgotten past.

Were you thinking of, my heart's desire to see you walk that road of life, free of what ails you, free of sorrows that held you bound to the loss and un-forgivenss of the souls self. I need to know you are okay; I need to know your promise to see me again is as real as the moons light, which cast her light on us just yesterday past, is the same as tomorrow's ever changing glow.

I am sorry I could not save you, could not save the us that was real love in conflict of life's painful past. Where are you; my love, my life. How did you say it, "Don't worry about me, baby. I got this. I got us covered, so you're never gonna be without me baby; I am your man and you, woman is all I ever want in this life."

Where are you dark demons now that they can no longer hold you back from me, from life itself. I can find you in the ethers, in my dreaming awakened state, or you can cast your lot once more; take the trip, the journey, we all call life. Come back again, my dear sweet man for last call no longer has its hold on you. All I ask, is that you hold me here and now; tell me I am going to be okay, that the news of your passing is just not real.

I can hear your promises; just whispers in my ear, as though they are as real as the last day you called out to me; "Don't worry about me, baby. Order us a perfect pint. I'll be right back. I promise you. I got this, because I got us tonight."

I could see it in your eyes; that love and zest for life, could hear the roar of laughter, so fun and bright your light, that shined within thy holy frame and gave me cause to sing. That talent for the challange that drove your friends all mad. The fight was not within them, all struggles were not the same. There was always your good kindness, your helping hands with friends. That light you bore within your frame; your good hearted soul, who never ment no wrong, but couldn't face the right way, but just went round the bend.

My heart is wandering down this lonely road; looking for my lost love, wondering what could have been. To find the courage to break those bonds that hold you; those chains that bind you there, in the darkness of your past pain, which hides the truth your heart once boar, such words never spoken outside your painful thoughts.

I will miss you deeply, your smile and your loving heart; may you rest in peace or come back again and find me after my journey's end. We shall find eachother on a new life's path, next time, we will get it right my love.

By Christine St Croix 2/2/2022, p. 5/28/2022