~ The Prayer!~

~The Prayer!~

I don't know what to pray for?

I don't know what words I need to say?

I don't know what I'm supposed to think,

When I look around at my life

And the years I've been alone!

Things have not turned out right

As they should be,

For all the hard work and making so many

Right choices,

As time moved along.

But now after decades of that time lost

I wonder,

How many more nights of sleeping alone

Will there be?

I wonder how many more mornings

Of getting up alone there still are?

How many meals left I have to make

And eat alone?

Never knowing what it's like to wake up

To a Wonderful Surprise;

The sounds and smells of someone else

Doing the cooking and the serving Instead?

I'm tired of being hungry

Of chasing after the wind, to end it...

Oh, the futility of it all!

It's pointless to keep living

In squares or circles,

When there is nothing new to learn

Nothing earth shattering,

That this cycle of chasing food

Will teach and fulfill;

And change in ones life

As you begin to creep in on 50...

Oh, how I do not fit that mundane mold,

Of this Society that surrounds me.

By this time we've learned the lesson's

We came to earth to know,

So what's left to understand and do

In the cycle of going to bed,

Waking up, eating, and living through

Another day... Alone?

When does the isolation, singleness,

Silence and predictability

That goes with it, end?

How long before I have someone

To share the remaining years of my life with;

Where joy can be found

And all the reasons to celebrate,

Are made clear

To smile, be happy and bounce or leap

Like Tigger,

Each new day you get out of bed

To make sense out of the cycle,

Of time and life?

So that is why I write these words in prayer

To share my thoughts and Pleas with thee,

Oh, Lord...

In hope that my hearts despair

Burdened with these questions,

May find there way to you up there

For answers long awaited,

On what I am to do today

And even on the morrow,

Or the Spring and Summer just ahead?

Indeed Yes, Oh Lord, how I can go on

About how I am here waiting,

Daily,

For what can only come from you

That will help me change my life,

So that I can find the right places

And people I need to see and meet,

In order to have the life I know

Is mine,

The one long overdue me...

The one where I'm supposed to be?

And yes the reasons for these words today

Why was I held back, (for so long)

When you yourself knew it was wrong?

When I have done all the work I was meant to

And that I did it all ON TIME,

Coinciding with all the right choices I've made?

Why have so many things had to go wrong

Causing scars, bad memories and outcomes,

That cannot be reversed?

When do the bad choices of others

Stop affecting the lives of those,

Making good ones

Along the way?

I want to be married,

I want a partner

A husband,

A best-friend

Someone to SHARE,

LIFE WITH

And all of ones deepest secrets,

Thoughts and dreams

The Good, Bad, the Ugly,

And everything in between.

Life means nothing without Love

It's important to have someone,

To build memories, like holidays

And keepsakes,

Like photographs and Experiences

You have... together!

It's not right to do it all by yourself

It leaves a constant emptiness,

A void where all the reward and joy

Is still missing the one needed to share,

In it all with.

Specifically when you're a person

Who is not made for it,

Being alone!

A life of just going through the motions

One which whose cycle,

You see no end in

Due to the evidence of the years,

Already past!

When does the groaning's

Of the heart, mind, body and soul,

Reach heaven...

Please let me know?

When does an answer come

Or a door is made to open,

The Perfect Place

And time,

Arrived...

Just for me to

Pass through;

In reaching the other side

Where the last chapter can finally begin,

Those last answers and keys

To that Final round of life,

Made Anew

The reward for all that I've survived

All that I've struggled through,

To reach the story

I've actually been trying to tell?

I want to apply all that I've learned

All that I've earned,

In all the years tried, tested and true.

I want it to result in a life

Where I can be satisfied,

One where I can look back

Smile and Sigh,

Knowing that though

It may not have turned out perfect,

I can be happy still

For in the end,

Seeing the BIGGER Picture

That it did,

In

DEED,

Turn out Well!

But this won't happen

If I live Unkissed,

And remain alone

No one to boast in this life with,

Or share the throne.

It's not pleasant

To write words of sorrow, heartbreak,

Or about things that haven't been made

Clear to understand,

Just left to blow in the wind

Like a flag, to see,

Knowing the questions

Have been asked,

But as it flaps to and fro

Waiting for change,

The answers never come

So it all just blows there,

In the wind!

So now I'm going to go on

With my day,

And leave the words here

This way,

And hope they find there way

And that my Prayer is answered,

Here today?

I look forward to the change I'm needing

And all the hope and promise,

And excitement that will bring

If my life is finally made right.

Just think of all the people

I can help,

Not just entertain!

Now isn't that worth

Answering 1 girls prayer,

Just in time

So that it will lead,

To the Man in Mind?

And all the power that comes

From Love,

When working

Together,

That can be lived out

Ending the Void...

All of that dead air

The darkness inside,

That sits there unseen

All of that Nothing,

So that life and all things

Can be, at last,

Finally...

As it should be!

In Jesus name...

Amen!

The end!

Written by,

Jennifer Cooley!