The Pain Scale

0 is the feeling of being in your arms, floating with the clouds. Your heart softly thumping against my ear as I hug you

1 is when I’m not able to see you everyday, I know it sounds dumb but when I can only text you, I feel a little lost.

A 2, is when I stub my toe

3 is for when you told me you loved this girl in Papillon or at least really liked her. It’s true I had no chance with you, but holy fuck that hurt. I’m still happy for you.

4 is for the days I find you, sad and hurting, I know you never tell me the full extent but you still come to me and I feel your pain. I know I’d love to help you all the time, but I know you can’t tell me Everything.

5 was for when you told me that you wanted to die. I already know you do but hearing it was so much worse.

6 is when I fall down the stairs.

7 is for when my heart over works itself and my eyes roll back into my skull, keeping me from walking. And yes, that hurts like a mother fucker.

8 was when you wrote a poem for us. It hurt but in a good way but also somehow in a bad way

9 is for when you told me about your sexual assault and I know I can’t help you because fuck, I’m only 17 and I can’t beat this person up, and I can’t be there to hold you as you cry about it all the time, and all I can do to help is listen to you

10 is red hot, burning, scaling, freezing cold, pain. The pain of loss, love, and the loss of love. It’s the feeling of knowing you won’t be there and there is nothing there, The feeling of not being able to breathe when there is nothing stopping you. You are my 0 and my 10.