The Metamorphosis

I can’t stay in bed all day

I’ve got to pee

I look in the mirror and see my crusted eyes

And splash some water on them

My emptiness says I’m hungry

I decide to get dressed

And leave to get some food

I drive aimlessly while eating

The soda’s sugar and caffeine dull the headache

While I drive the radio plays a poignant song

I sing the painful lyrics

I cry

I don’t try to stop the tears

Then I cry at the Heavens

Why is my life so miserable?

Why am I even here?

My arm is in the lowered window

I feel the sun burning my skin

The warming pain feels good

I consider the tortuous path of my life

How misstep after step and misfortune after fortune

Have somehow led to this exact moment

In this exact place

With these exact thoughts

And feelings

I wonder how I fit into the vastness of human experience

I go online

And see a friend is suffering

She feels worthless like a waste of breath

I can relate

I see others have offered meaningless advice

Bandaids for a bleeding heart

I understand too well and empathize

Life isn’t fair or easy

I tell her it’s ok to feel as she does

She’s not crazy or worthless

I tell her she’s not alone

Because I’m there too

I laugh at the irony

We chat for a while

She thanks me for reaching out

For opening up

And making myself vulnerable

I realize that I’m needed

That I made a difference

Despite my despair

Even if my token efforts seem so small

My pain has prepared me for this

I realize that the societal web is stronger because I’m in it

We’re not the only ones with depression

Within reach others suffer too

I smile at the lesson I’ve learned

I’m reminded I have value

And a purpose

She’s not alone

And neither am I