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The Knife at My Throat

(Your Absence)

By Poppy Published 9 months ago 2 min read
18
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You’re seared into my memory like a brand. I’m hidden in yours like an attic you keep locked, hoping the door will rust and seize shut. You never thanked me for holding still while you cut me out of your life as if performing an exorcism. I didn’t even scream (at least not out-loud).

I knew we were losing our balance. I knew our foundations were losing their strength. I didn’t realise we were standing on a railing of a ten storey balcony until you pushed me over the edge.

The saddest part is, I thought you’d change your mind and save me before I hit the ground. Now I am all broken bones, twisted limbs, a paralytic mind and blood. So much blood.

And even now, I wait for you to come and pick my mangled mess up off the pavement like you did so many times before (like I did for you). The devil on my shoulder tells me I could forget how you pushed me if you helped me fly again. The opposing angel sings me songs of the closure I crave. You offer neither - no explanation and certainly no clouds tickling my fingertips.

Your friendship was the ocean’s waves, moulded from the moon itself, curling like a smile. Your betrayal is a tidal wave…

Ruthless.

All encompassing.

Unavoidable.

...

I run.

And run.

And run, breathlessly searching for higher ground. But you were always my salvation; the only helicopter to ever offer a rope ladder; the only one who made me want to brave the fear of falling.

I’m trying so desperately to not let your absence be the knife at my throat, but does it really matter what I name it, when it is still drawing a line of red on my skin?

I study your cloud written claim of happiness, writing up equations I call poems, struggling to figure out if it is real like the sky or forged like the Astroturf beneath your feet. I hope you really are dancing under sunrises of bliss and contentment, I only wish it didn’t have to come at the expense of my own lavender and peach horizon.

I write out my heartache as fervently as I wish you’d constructed your goodbyes.

If you never read my words, then I hope you never realise how jealous I am of your ability to let us go so easily.

But on the off chance that you do, I want you to know, I’m sorry my presence could not save you in the way my absence seemed to.

❀❀❀❀❀

If you enjoyed this, please check out my poetry book 'Wasted Love' here, and read more of my poems below.

sad poetryheartbreakfact or fiction
18

About the Creator

Poppy

‘Wasted Love' available to purchase here in paperback and eBook format.

Find me on:

Instagram. Facebook. Tiktok. Pinterest. Twitter. Medium. Patreon.

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Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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Comments (15)

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  • Jazzy 8 months ago

    “Jealous of your ability to let us go” OH that HIT MY FUCKING HEART!

  • ThatWriterWoman8 months ago

    Oh that last line Poppy! What an ending!

  • JBaz9 months ago

    Every time I read your work I am amazed at how you pour so much emotion into each piece you write.

  • Beautifully written, as always… tragically sad! Praying The One who never lets us down will console and heal you soon.

  • Ahna Lewis9 months ago

    You have a captivating way with words and express betrayed love, loss, and heartache so well. Well done, Poppy!

  • Diani Alvarenga9 months ago

    Powerful!

  • L.C. Schäfer9 months ago

    Heartbreak sucks so much, but you squeeze so much out of it. I love: "I only wish it didn’t have to come at the expense of my own lavender and peach horizon"

  • I'm convinced that you witnessed him leaving me. Very convinced. It's like sooooo accurate. I love it so much when I can relate to a poem so much. Because it's all my unspoken words and unexpressed feelings.

  • Grz Colm9 months ago

    Powerful writing Poppy. Great job! 😊👏

  • Great job ❤️👌📝

  • Mackenzie Davis9 months ago

    "Your friendship was the ocean’s waves, moulded from the moon itself, curling like a smile. Your betrayal is a tidal wave…" WOW, Poppy! This is such a complete metaphor. I am floored. Also, that final line: "But on the off chance that you do, I want you to know, I’m sorry my presence could not save you in the way my absence seemed to." Damn. That would absolutely gut me if I was the object of this poem. Holy moly. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I am loving your prose poems. They are like heart-torn essays, and they are inspiring me. I can't seem to write in a short-line fashion at the moment. :D

  • Oh my goodness! There are so many lines of excellence in this! That entire third verse…👌👌👌 “ Your friendship was the ocean’s waves, moulded from the moon itself, curling like a smile. Your betrayal is a tidal wave…” This is divine…👌 Where you say “I run, and run… And run” It flows so well… There is so much of this I want to quote back to you! Excellent work, Poppy! ❤️👌🕊️✨

  • Joelle E🌙9 months ago

    You write with such clarity and power about these toxic relationships. Your writing is amazing… it makes me even more curious to see what you write when you’ve healed from all this :) ✨

  • So painfully, wistfully poignant.

  • Alex H Mittelman 9 months ago

    Sad! Great writing, extremely well done!

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