The Group of Shared History

You are looking through the same window you always have,

But now they have opened the door for you to join,

Although they've included you in every activity,

The less you, you feel you should be,

They are that group,

The one you look at from afar,

The ones with the nice smiles,

Seemless connections,

Unwavering charm,

It feels like you're in high school again,

And you're just the little sister,

Trying to laugh at jokes of memories, that were never yours,

You want to be the cool that they exude,

Because it's seemingly effortless for them,

But you're over in the corner pretending to fit in,

You add commentary in the conversation,

Mold yourself to fit the situation,

Craving their affirmations,

When to them you are barely there,

Not an empty chair,

But not one of them,

They do know you well,

Or who they have always seen you be,

An inkling connected through shared history,

They have love for you, through their eyes,

But they have never really seen you,

Not who you are in this part of life,

You can't blame them, for you not fitting in their box,

You can't blame them, for their ways making you feel lost,

You just have to accept who you are around them,

The balance between being yourself and when to pretend,

You wish they would see you different,

Another person to their group who makes sense,

But you are not one of them,

You have part in their foundation,

As they do yours,

But you don't have to live within,

The sanctions of their walls,

It's okay that you don't belong,

That molding to their tendencies feels wrong,

Because that's not your world to fit in anyways,

Just is a place,

That takes up space, in who you used to be,

The desire to feel their popularity,

You always wished to receive,

It's okay to love them and desire that reciprocation,

But to what loss of your person orientation,

You may always feel this way when you are with them,

But just remember, you'll find a place of your own,

Where you don't have to pretend.