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The course of true love

For the Smooth challenge

By Hannah MoorePublished 3 months ago 1 min read
Top Story - November 2023
36
The course of true love
Photo by Bruce Christianson on Unsplash

I choose how to use the striated muscles of my arms,

Who to reach for, when to hold myself,

But the smooth muscles of my gut I do not control,

The peristaltic waves of wanting, ripples through my core,

I do not author. I only feed.

-

Hungry, I mistook the muscle of your heart for smooth,

And placed my fingertips against it,

Wanting that frictionless glide to be beautiful,

Figure skaters viewed from a distance, seeming effortless,

Not recognising that you were letting me slip.

-

You dragged me across the glassy ice, bejewelled, spandex slick,

Falling as you pulled me towards you,

Forever in retreat. But crystals catch, and face down,

I saw the flotsam locked in place, the dark current below.

I heard the shell groan, the fissures crack.

-

You mistook my smoothness for softness, rabbit-eared

Beneath your lips. My sublimation

Rendered me ethereal. But cold condensed me.

My deposition rimes us both in hard frosted crystal,

And the striated muscle of my heart contracts.

love poems
36

About the Creator

Hannah Moore

Reader insights

Outstanding

Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

Top insights

  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  2. Compelling and original writing

    Creative use of language & vocab

  3. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  1. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

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Comments (25)

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  • Andrea Corwin 3 months ago

    Wonderful, deep poem! Great job.

  • Julygwynet3 months ago

    This is a great story. I enjoyed this story. If you want to read my story then visit this link https://vocal.media/confessions/mee-and-adon-s-odyssey-of-love

  • L.C. Schäfer3 months ago

    Peristaltic, what an excellent word!

  • Your poetry is very intelligent and beautiful. I’m always impressed where you go with each line

  • Donna Fox (HKB)3 months ago

    Wow... this was deep, breath taking and heart palpitating!! Great work Hannah and congrats in Top Story!

  • So happy this got a Top Story! Congratulations!

  • Brin J.3 months ago

    "I saw the flotsam locked in place, the dark current below." What a way of building up anticipation within poetry. You executed it so flawlessly. Many parts stood out to me but this one was the line that triggered my adrenaline. So suspenseful, beautiful, and rhythmical. The evocative visuals you presented to us were just as smooth and effortless as your protagonist's descent into disaster.

  • Babs Iverson3 months ago

    Fabulous!!! Loved it!!!

  • Celia in Underland3 months ago

    Love the depth of emotion or willful lack of I suppose. Brilliantly done and love the image of the ice skaters from a distance x And congrats on beautiful TS 🤍

  • Paul Stewart3 months ago

    Dayum. Ms Moore, another fine challenge entry and another reason for me to be pooping my pants. This is seriously so good. You're just one of my favourite writers, Hannah and another fine Top Story, makes me smile!

  • Cathy holmes3 months ago

    Oh my goodness. This is gorgeous. Congrats on the TS.

  • Heather Hubler3 months ago

    Oooo, I loved, loved, loved your word choices so much!! Gorgeous work, my friend. Congrats on Top Story!!

  • Peristaltic waves. Whoaaaa, I loved that so much! And also your metaphors! I'd be very disappointed if this didn't place in the challenge. Loved your poem!

  • Teresa Renton3 months ago

    The images you have painted with your beautiful poetry Hannah … sublime! I can only dream of performing such alchemy 🤍 (I haven’t managed to finish my smooth entry yet so will have to get my skates on for deadline 😮)

  • Novel Allen3 months ago

    Wow! I feel you metaphorically squeezing the pain, love, anguish and life itself into a tight bundle of air and space. Releasing it to a space of freedom somewhere. I ramble...sorry. Deep thoughts.

  • Celia in Underland3 months ago

    Beautiful as ever x So much developed in such a small space 🤍

  • Rachel Deeming3 months ago

    So visual. Rabbit-eared. Tactile. This is writing to be envied.

  • Caroline Jane3 months ago

    Clever use of language. Impressive. You have packed a lot of meaning in through great word choice. Slick.😉 My favourite line: My deposition rimes us both in hard frosted crystal, Rimes... love it... greath depth there. ❤️

  • The visuals and symbolism are outstanding. I could feel this as I read it. Excellent work!!!

  • JBaz3 months ago

    I wanted to say something about the metaphors being brilliant. I think you already gathered that. It was spectacularly done.

  • Dana Crandell3 months ago

    I agree with Andrei. Your meaptphors in this are amazing.

  • Lamar Wiggins3 months ago

    A work of art! It's amazing how visuals complement the experience of reading. I really felt this one. Well done!

  • Andrei Z.3 months ago

    I like your metaphors here a lot! Very clever!

  • Mother Combs3 months ago

    Nice and smooth

  • Naveed 3 months ago

    . What a beautiful poem!

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