Temporary Fix

Temporary Fix

The last few months has felt like a tailspin,

Consistently revolving emotions,

Where there are no wins,

Drowning from a lovesick potion.

Going from crying one day,

To pretending I'm okay,

To going out on a date,

Convincing myself it will be great.

I meet over coffee,

Bond over country music,

For a moment I feel free,

From my heart's bruises,

Next time around,

I get closer him,

Thinking it's something special I found,

That it may be someone worth investing in.

But I fell so fast,

Buying all the compliments they told me,

Thinking this euphoric feeling will last,

That this person could help glue me,

To put my heart back together again,

By being what I've always needed,

Making me feel temporarily better,

As if I am completed.

Because I realized,

What I needed wasn't wrong,

Just not what the last one was willing to compromise,

There's someone else who will sing my same song.

And with that I will feel a sense of peace,

Embracing the new form of touch,

And eliminating my mental grief,

Where someone else can be my crutch.

But as soon as I let someone in,

My thoughts move to him,

Into a new complicated mental spin,

It’s like a merry go round, but never seems to end.

I dive too deep,

Show too much vulnerability,

Even if their caring they don't want to sleep,

Next to someone with that many insecurities.

It was supposed to be light,

Hold on to the cute, flirty girl you are,

Now I showed him My eternal fight,

And now his interest is off the radar.

Even if I'm willing to drive,

And stupid enough to offer to be used,

I am just seeking to feel alive,

In the arms of someone who can sooth.

To be held in warm arms,

Even if there's no meaning behind it,

This temporary fix sends off alarms,

But I'm covering it up with every kiss.

Because There comes a point of heartbreak,

Where it's worth feeling anything else other than hurt,

Doesn't matter if at the end of it that its fake,

I just want to feel the ability to entice and flirt.

To not feel the loss,

And feel the warmth in another person's presence,

It's not a line I want too continually cross,

But I've come to a level of acceptance.

That we use each other for the needs of intimacy,

Not much more than friends with benefits,

Just someone who I kind of fancy,

Who will feed me my temporary fix.