Tea, is it?

Does a drink count as a snack?

Yes it does, can't take it back.

Here it is, one lump or two?

A delicious red-brown builders brew

The perfect liquid pick me up

Now, take some care to choose your cup

Fresh water boiling, steaming hot

Will you be fancy, use the pot?

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Brew it well, and don't be lazy

Bags not leaves, now, don't be crazy

Steeped one minute, maybe five

With that first sip, I come alive

Sugar crooning, forget me not

Add the milk now, just a spot

Lift a biscuit from the tin

Take two! just one would be a sin

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Hands wrapped round my favourite mug

Sit! Enjoy! and sip, don't chug

Temp just right, taste sublime

Take the moment, give it time

The caffeine makes me feel alert

Ensures my head won't start to hurt

The sugar cheers, the tannins calm

Cures all ills, a wonder-balm

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Whether we're happy, tired or sad

Stressed, distressed, or steaming mad

Feeling chilly? this will warm

In no time you'll be on top form

Refreshing even on hot days

An elixir for 'most any malaise

Gone visiting, or guests are here?

Put the kettle on m'dear

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When you visit someone's place

They greet you with a smiley face

"Tea?" they say, you sag and bask

"Oh! darling! thought you'd never ask!"

And though we're gasping, fit to cry

Occasionally, we're apt to lie

"Oh, only if you're having one!"

It's bullshit, stick the kettle on

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There's places in the world you know

With nowhere for the kettle to go

And if a steaming tea they crave

These heathens use the microwave

And though I'm normally quite nice

Don't get me started on the ice

And lemon - pfft, what nonsense this?

I'd rather drink a tank of piss

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Worse: milky pale instead of brown

Too weak, too cold, we force it down

Must be polite, what can you do?

Dreaming of a proper brew

The temperature just right for sipping

And a biscuit or two for dipping

But take care 'cause no one wants to frown

To see a soggy biscuit drown

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Heed my tips and hear my song

Good tea, like sex, is hot and strong

Wet and tasty, slightly sweet

A biscuit on the side to eat

Not rushed; enjoyed! time set aside

Several times a day with pride!

With the odd delighted gasp or moan

With a friend or on your own

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Let me finish up this ditty first

Then start a brew, I've got a thirst