Star-filled Sky

You've cracked me open like a nut;

My crust, my protective crust, has been breached

And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I don't want to ooze out.

I've spent a lifetime, pointing with cement

Keeping it closed off, and close.

And now, you come with your words

And your feeling and your passion

And you split me open

Like nothing was there.

There was no hammer blow;

Just the soft caress of feelings known,

Losses created and made

And longings forgotten.

Intensities.

I thought they'd left

Or had concrete shoes

But they were slyly sleeping,

Waiting for the poker touch of remembrance

To jolt my essence,

Stoked -

And they leapt out,

Surprised with their tears.

I want to lie on a beach in the night

With the stars pockmarking the sky with brilliance

And I want the waves to remind me

Of feeling

And the optimism of knowing

That there is another in whom

You can nestle but, with a touch,

Can make you stormy.

And that it will be unexpected

And glorious

And damaging

All at once.

And so, I am conflicted.

I think I am scared.

I like what has been revealed

But it is soft and vulnerable,

Like the stuffing of a bear -

If I lose it, I will separate out into pieces.

It will be the end of me.

And yet...

Taking me back

Brings me forward;

I feel what I've known,

Again.

Fresh love, fresh tongue,

The need to be noticed

And I know that I want that thing

And I know that I don't need it

And that either way,

I'll be alright.

I will bask,

Knowing that it is me

And it is not

But that I can have it

If I want.

I am lit up by the thought

Of what I think I'm not.