You've cracked me open like a nut;
My crust, my protective crust, has been breached
And I'm not sure how I feel about it.
I don't want to ooze out.
I've spent a lifetime, pointing with cement
Keeping it closed off, and close.
And now, you come with your words
And your feeling and your passion
And you split me open
Like nothing was there.
There was no hammer blow;
Just the soft caress of feelings known,
Losses created and made
And longings forgotten.
Intensities.
I thought they'd left
Or had concrete shoes
But they were slyly sleeping,
Waiting for the poker touch of remembrance
To jolt my essence,
Stoked -
And they leapt out,
Surprised with their tears.
I want to lie on a beach in the night
With the stars pockmarking the sky with brilliance
And I want the waves to remind me
Of feeling
And the optimism of knowing
That there is another in whom
You can nestle but, with a touch,
Can make you stormy.
And that it will be unexpected
And glorious
And damaging
All at once.
And so, I am conflicted.
I think I am scared.
I like what has been revealed
But it is soft and vulnerable,
Like the stuffing of a bear -
If I lose it, I will separate out into pieces.
It will be the end of me.
And yet...
Taking me back
Brings me forward;
I feel what I've known,
Again.
Fresh love, fresh tongue,
The need to be noticed
And I know that I want that thing
And I know that I don't need it
And that either way,
I'll be alright.
I will bask,
Knowing that it is me
And it is not
But that I can have it
If I want.
I am lit up by the thought
Of what I think I'm not.
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Comments (9)
This is stirring and just beautiful, Rachel. It's pieces like this that just make me think out much I love Vocal for getting the chance to read pieces like this that I may not have otherwise. Inspiring and thoughtprovoking and just yeah...well bloody done.
Why do focus on what we are not than what we are 🤔
This is beautiful. The vulnerability of wanting to create ourselves anew unhidden.
Help because I thought (and still think) that you have written this about how Abo made you feel initially and then broke your heart!! Jokes aside, your poem was so poignant and emotional!
This is a wonderful and deeply felt poem, Rachel. I loved every line of it but this line deserves a special shout out: That there is another in whom you can nestle but, with a touch can make you stormy. Beautiful and self-assured writing!
A very poignant poem, at once bold and reluctant. Very well wrought!
Either way....either way it is OK. Yes! Super poem!!
What a wonderful discovery in which to bask: that you can have what you want & it will be alright; but it will be alright if you don't as well. It makes me think of "Bell, Book & Candle" where he asks her if she could survive without him. She responds, "I suppose I'd have to." Of course, in the play what that suggests to him is that she doesn't really love him. Only after discovering that once he left she lost her witches' power did he realize that he was wrong. Happy ending. Yay!
This is entrancing! The processing at the edge of a great adventure or precipice! Loved the lines: “And that it will be unexpected And glorious And damaging All at once.”