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Special little pill
A poem of a smooth transition
I'm trembling in the car outside of the ER.
___I think I'm dying
___or maybe I'm losing control of my mind
___or perhaps it's a heart attack
_______cause I'm sort of at the age - I think.
I stare at the light, pale, circular pill in my shaking palm.
___All I need to do is swallow it...
___but my mouth is dry
___and my throat is tight
_______What if this doesn't work?
The bottled water that usually lives in my purse shakes in my other hand.
___There isn't much water left
___I close my eyes and swallow
___I look at the time: 1:17 am
______Hopefully, it works. I hope it works.
I listen to my breathing. Loud and wavering like crashing waves in a storm. I feel everything, and it's all bad.
___I look at the ER doors
___imagine rushing through them
___"There's something wrong," I'd say, weak words coming out in stutters.
______"What's exactly wrong?" The nurse would ask.
________"I-I don't know. Something's just wrong."
__________She remembers my name and tells me to sign papers.
____________Heart monitor. Blood pressure check. EKG. God. I don't have money for another CAT scan.
1:30 am
I feel it now - I think.
___A rational thought slithers through like oil between cracked earth.
___My eyes pause for a few seconds more between it's swallows of the whole world.
___The sounds of waves crashing slow and weaken, and I let myself, for a moment, feel the water creeping over the sand.
______I'm beginning to melt like one does once you lie down in a quiet room after a long, long day of too many words, too many feelings, and quite too many things.
1:35 am
It's a smooth transition, like a blanket warmed by a new body.
___The trembling is being caressed by light hands.
___The racing heart is listening to soft whispers.
___The broken mind is kissed sweetly.
_______I even yawn at one point.
1:46 am
I start the car.
___And tell myself to remember to put another water bottle in my purse.
About the Creator
K. Kocheryan
I write, delete, write, and on most days, delete again.
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Comments (19)
Missed this TS, belated congrats. Brilliant structure-Love the use of hyphens/dashes to chart the intensity and gradual calming. And this line broke my fucking heart 'God. I don't have money for another CAT scan."
Hi we are featuring your excellent Top Story in our Community Adventure Thread in The Vocal Social Society on Facebook and would love for you to join us there
a bottle of water is truly a lifeline. A Panic attack is no fun. It's always nice to have someone around when you are going through it, especially if they don't judge you but just listen. Music and an Air Purifier calm my panic attack. You can have high blood pressure but as long as no blockage in your heart your body can withstand it but not your mind. That is why they used the EKG. I am glad you went to the ER. In our area, we have a hospital, hotline, and urgent care for mental health. While other countries are busy developing their countries the US is trying to find ways to support mental health by providing free healthcare.
As someone with panic attacks, I can relate to that. It's terrifying yet powerful to write. The last line is a piece of advice that I do every day- bringing in a water bottle. Nice poem and congrats on reaching Top Story.
Well done for TS! Love how you controlled the pace and tension in this poem, and how your sentences lost the urgency as the poem progressed. 🥰
that is powerful
Thank you for this piece
That poem. Was a JOURNEY!!! Incredible format and content! Thank you soooo much for sharing and well done on achieving a top story.
A rational thought slithers through like oil between cracked earth. Felt that. Panic attacks are so tricky.
Stay strong. 💪
Wow. That is powerful. Congrats on the TS
Anxiety is very real, very dangerous and very well described here. I'm grateful you have the pills. A very brave and worthy Top Story!
Excellent work! Keep up the fantastic effort—congrats!
congratulations on TS. this was amazing, so emotionally packed. ER's are normally ok but once admitted, the nightmare begins. I'm glad you're ok and hadn't been admitted like I was. After 4 days of chest pains, I was released, "Can't find a thing wrong. Go home and take it easy." Huh!
This is so raw and vulnerable- real. Thank you for sharing such vulnerability with us.
"My eyes pause for a few seconds more between it's swallows of the whole world." This line was truly gripping. I love how you describe the complexity of emotions in this literary work.
SOOOO! The pill worked. I take some pills too, and wonder if they are the reason I am still alive. So glad you live to face many more days to come. Pills have become our norm it seems.
Omggg, I'm so glad you're okay! Sending you lots of love and hugs! ❤️
<3