friends sometimes receive calls from me wherein i profess in a bewildered voice, that i have hit a snag in my day. i rarely see it coming. i feel defeated to admit out loud that i’ve spent upwards of an hour (so far) tearing through my belongings to no avail. i am helpless - too tired to continue, but too obsessed to stop on my own. "help me, please." their reaction is always kind, and calm - they meet me with a tone akin to how one might respond to a woman who’s just called to say she’s in labor. no human power can stop what is happening, and everyone knows it. they try to keep me calm and perhaps distract me, but in truth we are all so helpless. the distance doesn’t even matter - i wouldn’t let anyone near me like this anyway. can i go for a walk? am i breathing? can i do something creative with my hands? they ask, but they know the answer.
no, i cannot.
i can do nothing else, until i solve the problem i have needlessly created inside my own head. it isn’t even real. i am at the mercy of my obsession over my missing lip gloss. the only lip gloss of hundreds that is acceptable today. i probably won’t even wear it, i just want to carry around with me half the time. so until i find it, or order a replacement, my world has stopped.
am i proud of myself for this? absolutely not.
but is it kinda cute still? maybe…..