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Smell the Sun

always falling

By Brenton FPublished 7 months ago Updated 7 months ago 1 min read
17
image by crAIyon.com

i wanted to smell the sun

from the corners of my eyes

i could hear the straining

of fading distant colours

a subdermal flight of fancy

i got into and under my skin

a warm translucent fragile layer

just waiting beneath the thin

a manifestation of imagineering

a flimsy layer of hope and trust

i only wanted to smell the sun

aim for the sky with a yearning filled lust

i got so close, it’s gaze so hot

but i had ignored some basic facts

i could finally smell the sun all right

plus burning feathers and melting wax

social commentarysurreal poetry
17

About the Creator

Brenton F

It's just a token of my extreme - Frank Zappa

- - -

I have an eBook, a collection of my favourite pieces

Link to Amazon

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Outstanding

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Comments (14)

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  • Donna Fox (HKB)4 months ago

    Brenton, I love your use of imagery and the narrative you chose for this poem! It feels very much like a classic, I immediately knew who the character was likening themselves to and what the metaphor you were going for was! Greet work!

  • Kelsey Clarey7 months ago

    This is so well done! You captured the story perfectly.

  • Every line of this is more captivating than the last. This was amazing!

  • Mackenzie Davis7 months ago

    Well fuck, this is incredible. "wanted to smell the sun from the corners of my eyes i could hear the straining of fading distant colours" Your sensory depictions here are really cool. I love imagining Icarus wanting to smell the sun and hearing the straining of fading colors. What an overwhelming poem. That shift from his desire to the realization of his mistake is jaw dropping. "a manifestation of imagineering a flimsy layer of hope and trust" The message here is clear, but you do it so delicately. The warning of certain follies and desires...Icarus reimagined. Love this! And well done!

  • Cathy holmes7 months ago

    This is wonderful. Well done.

  • Hannah Moore7 months ago

    Oh, I liked that, excellent closing line, and my skin felt crawly itchy in your subdermal flight of fancy.

  • Poppy's correct. This is thoroughly captivating.

  • Poppy 7 months ago

    Hey Brenton, just want to let you know I shared this poem in Poppy's Preferences! https://vocal.media/journal/poppy-s-preferences-pt6

  • Oooo, I love this Icarus themed poem! Well done!

  • Genius. I really want to say something clever and witty, but I am at a loss. Feathers and wax …. Great stuff

  • Poppy 7 months ago

    I absolutely adore this poem Brenton! I love the story of Icarus. I was instantly drawn in by the first line and enjoyed the whole poem but especially loved the finish.

  • Dana Stewart7 months ago

    Nice flow with a bit of a glow.

  • Jazzy 7 months ago

    Oh wow I wasn't ready for this ❤️

  • Dana Crandell7 months ago

    Alas, poor Icarus.

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