Singles Day

This is an open letter to the prime minister of Canada

In a country that sees sacrificial love as the highest form of service

It is appalling to note that the sacrifice of "veteran singles" have been overlooked.

In a country that considers itself to be one of the most progressive and diverse societies

It's a shame that our east Asian neighbours have beat us to the task of honouring the "Single" population by creating White Day and Pepero Day

And we

What do we get?

Only “Valentine’s Day”

A reminder that we are the minority population

As a community we are concerned that our sacrifices have been lost in translation.

This community has paid no small price to love.

Of which, may I add sir, you have been a beneficiary

We are the ones who listen to the tales of those our "in-relationship-friends"

All night!

Allowing them to offload thier hearts and go safely to work the next day.

The current way you run the economy, sir, exploits our talents.

If we were to hand you our resumes

You would see that, as a minimum, we hold a four year Bachelor of Science degree

Double majoring in “third wheeling” and “matchmaking”

By "excellent oral and written communication skills"

We mean

The original writers and editors of breakup text messages

By "High adaptability skills"

We mean

Learning to go from "hey, Brad" to "what’s his face again?"

By “high accounting and bookkeeping skills”

We mean

Detailed tallying of :

All the times they said they were going to break up

Then did not.

All the times they said they were just friends with their ex

Then came back home saying "guess what?"

All the promises they made not to date,

Then asked us for Tinder profile advice.

All the times we had to say no to a party,

Because it was exclusive for couples.

All the times we said no to a party,

Because their “ex” was going to be there.

Sir

If we just cashed each tally mark for a dollar

We would be the Beverly Hills Community of Canada

Sir

I heard you just picked your cabinet members and somehow omitted us from consideration.

Well,

Your loss.

We exhibit some of Canada's core values, like

Tolerance

Every time we had to step out of the house for our friends and significant other to do their "thang"

Or the constant PDA on the hallway to class.

Advocacy

Every time we had to be lawyers representing our friends in the breakup court of law.

You have no idea how hard it is to defend your client

When the constitution has to have a glossary for pet names and Emoji text messages.

And we be damned if they are poets going through a breakup.

Have you ever snapped your finger so hard you shed some skin? All in support of your friends.

Representation

Our group is made up of members of other minority and majority groups.

We are the epitome of intersectionality

We should be holding a doctoral degree in psychology

For all the advice we have given during a mental breakdown and moments of insecurity.

And we get insecure too!

We could be your minister of intelligence and security.

After a minimum of five-year research on all the pickup lines out there

We have developed an excellent B.S. detector.

We have endured years of derogatory words and hate speech filled with horrible puns and rhyme schemes

Like

"Single Pringles”

"Single and ready to mingle"

“Single and Searching”

WHAT ARE THOSE?!

Sir

Even though Valentine’s Day is a reminder of the desire to make our group extinct

We will not be asking for a ban on this day

Instead

All we are saying~~

Is give us a day

All we are saying~~

Is give us a Holiday