Silent Shores

I've come to know the power of drawing a line where I once wanted vast openness and deep connection outside of myself. The line is one that will hold me in silence as I embrace being alone, yet not lonely.

Loneliness seems to causes me pain, and I'm sure that I'm not alone in this. Yet perhaps the pain is there because I cannot be alone with myself.

I've been gifted this space of solitude during this phase of life and I've seen the signs that life keeps presenting me with; the bear that hibernates and spends vast times alone. My references to drawing lines and wishing to connect. I can project this outwards, yet it is all a mirror to my inner state reflected, so I can see myself clearer.

There is the butterfly, the dragonfly and the dragon; they are all messengers of transformation. Yet this transformation occurs best when I can be alone with myself, rather than lonely looking out to meet the silence that the world presents me with.

I am unsure why it is such a challenge for me to be alone with myself?

Perhaps its a lifetime of conditioning. Or the wounds that I have yet to face. I know a quality of spending time with myself is the silence that is born as I return to a deeper space of inner peace. I also know myself to be great company, though perhaps this is only with the parts of me that I have allowed myself to spend time with.

My distractions have come up quite often. These are the moments when I should remain most present with myself, as the distractions are wishing to take me away. Distracted I feel lonely, yet if I remain present and with myself then I am alone with myself and no longer distracted and lonely.

Alone, I stand the chance to befriend all part of me.

More than anything, I want to speak to some of you and it is because of this strength in my desire that I move towards being alone, rather than reaching out into what feels a void. In part I feel that none of you can receive me they way I wish to be received. Because of this, I have to learn to receive myself how I wish to be received. I know I have never quite received myself like this before. Yet I do know that I cannot do it as long as I have a longing to be received by another.

So yes, it is now I that draw a line. And it is not because of any of you. Rather it is because of how I have left myself. And so its my lost parts that call me home.

This is an act of love onto myself. Perhaps the greatest one so far, as I feel its depth and it scares me. Perhaps it will scare me whole. This calls for courage, though courage like any quality can be cultivated. For a Libra that I am, this feels like social suicide and perhaps it is that. Yet if Libra's are such social creatures, then it is my solemn duty to be social with all parts within me, first and foremost.

I knowingly now step into solitary solitude.

Much of my life may still seem the same to those looking in, as I continue to speak live, recorded, yet no longer corded and of course in written words too. However, with a subtle eye you may see that it is no longer with the intent of filling a loneliness, yet rather a stance of someone becoming at home within with being alone.

Yet words are easy to speak. Intentions harder to set, and the hardest the path to walk. Yet nothing worth while was easy won. So say I and this feels true.

Written by

Sven Selle